Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Sunday, July 31

Outside today all day

Was outside all day with Mama and Papa. We had a nice family day together. Mama and I lay on the blanket outside. Mama was wearing her bathing suit and slapping oil all over herself. I tried to lick some off her legs and she kept getting angry with me. Too bad....what was that? A hint of coconut in there.....yummy. Anyhow, Mama got out the dreaded headphones and was singing again. Yikes. When she puts on those headphones I am begging for a pair of my own or better yet.....ear plugs!
I ran for shelter under the shade and played by myself for a while.
Papa cut down a tree in the backyard today! It was really neat ......although they made me go inside. Once it was down, Mama let me out and Papa let me play with all the sticks that came off the tree. I was in stick heaven! I know to humans that doesn't mean very much but, to us's like winning some type of lottery. Not the grand prize cuz that would be a huge treat of some type of food......but, nonetheless it is definitely a second place prize.
Mama took me for a long walk and told me I was a good little walker. Darn, I forgot to make her pick me up.....oh well, tomorrow is another day.
We had company later in the evening. A man and a woman. Well, I should call her a lady cuz she petted me the whole time she was here.
Now that is a decent visitor!

Saturday, July 30

I'm sleepy!

I hate this photo of me. It looks ike I work at Wal-Mart doesn't it? Anyhow, on to my blog. So I told you yesterday I had so much fun I would sleep like a baby right? Well, I did sleep like a baby. I was up every two hours! First it was too hot, then I couldn't find any room on the bed because Mama and Papa kept tossing and turning. The next time I woke Mama up was at 2:30 because I was thirsty. She was sleepy and confused so she brought me to pee. Naturally, I didn't pee because I didn't have to. I hit her with my paw. Finally, she figured it out and brought me to my water bowl. I drank the whole bowl! Then I ate some kibble. We went back to bed and just when Mama was falling asleep I got an itch. I scratched so hard I shook the bed. Papa woke up and got upset so Mama put me on the floor. I waited around ten minutes and jumped back on the bed. Woke Mama up again. She seemed very upset with me! Finally she went back to sleep but, she was not happy. How the heck does she think I feel??? Hey, If I can't sleep, nobody's gonna sleep. These are the rules in the house only those two havn't figured them out yet.
Anyhow, due to all the night commotion I slept pretty much ALL day. I did go for a long walk with Mama and also scoffed a bit of Papa's steak... pretty much though my day was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...... i needed it!

Friday, July 29

A doggie visitor!!

Nothing bad happened with the dogs at the park. They are still there. Mama checked today.
We went for a very long walk today (to make up for yesterday)
And the best of all was today my friend Gina, the black schnauzer from up the road came over with the two kids who own her. We had so much fun! I ran around the backyard with Gina. Papa gave the kids orange pop and chips. I tried to bully the kids into giving me some but, Papa caught me and I got in trouble.
Mama showed the kids the poodle room(The room dedicated to me upstairs) And the kids went wild! The little girl told Mama she wished it were her room.
Too bad missy! It's all mine! I got here first and this is my family! My poodle room! I like the little girl very much, but, she ain't getting in on my stuff.
Anyhow, had a ball today. I will sleep like a baby!

Thursday, July 28

I need a walk!

Feeling better from throwing up but, Mama did not take me for a walk today! I was only allowed to play in the backyard. We started to go for a walk but, one of our neighbours came out of the house and told my Mama to take me back home. Some homeless people in our neighbourhood were really drunk and out roaming our street with their two dogs. One is an aggressive pitbull. I think I could take him if I had to....well, if Mama was there to protect me. Mama took no chances and scooped me up in her arms and went right back home. Mama is so afraid of anything happening to me. Mama called the police. We stayed in the backyard.
The other neighbour who saw the man called the police too. Apparently his little girl witnessed one of the men staggering and he tripped over this own dog. He fell hard on the cement and hurt his head.
Mama, Papa and I stayed in the backyard for a long time. Then we saw the homeless people in the park with the dogs. The police came. The dogs were trying to jump on the police. The police warned he was going to shoot the dog. Mama was crying! Crying for the dog! Mama pretends she hates the dog but, I know she feels sorry for the dog. She always tells me it is not the dog's is the owner's fault that the dog is mean.
Anyhow, Mama took me inside and I never got to see what happened! I think the dog is ok though. What a crazy night we had!
Never got to go for a walk so I had to pee in the backyard........that's my washroom. I hope Mama takes me for a nice walk soon. I love being carried around the neighbourhood!

Wednesday, July 27

Sick as

No photo today I am not at my best. After I blogged last time I threw up around ten times. Mama and Papa were so worried about me. I was moaning in pain. We were all up all night. This morning I am much better......feeling great actually. That'll teach that Mama for yelling at me.
Mama took me for a long walk early today after she saw I was feeling better. Later in the evening I got to go play with Gina(The black schnauzer up the street) Her owners are a family and they have two kids who adore me. I love going there.
Mama, Papa and I went to bed early. We need to catch up on our sleep.
Boy, I am glad I feel better.

Tuesday, July 26

Discipline is not a suit I wear well

I went for two walks with Mama today and would not walk. I wouldn't come when she called me. I was being very bad today. Mama finally snapped and yelled at me! I was so scared. She never yells at me like that! Then Mama cried because she felt bad but, I wouldn't kiss her or be near her after that.
Papa came home and saw Mama crying. He asked what happened and Mama told him all about it. Then I heard him say that I have to go back to obedience school! He also said that I am too spoiled.
Moi? What makes me so spoiled? I get people food? I go for walks and get carried most of the time? I have more toys than the neighbourhood children? I have someone pick up my poop for me? I get whatever I want?
Ok, maybe the old man's got a point. I'll have to lay low for a while.

Monday, July 25

I got in big trouble today

My morning was not eventful. I slept until 2pm despite Mama and Papa's continuos efforts to wake me up. Then I went for a long walk with Mama. It was way too hot so she carried me almost the whole way. We had to keep stopping so Mama could give me water. When we got home I wanted to go in the backyard with Papa. I got in behind the shed when Papa wasn't looking and found a big pile of leaves and weeds. I plunged into it and hid. Papa was calling me a long time but, I never came out. He started to sound very angry- as if that is going to make me come out. Next thing I know Mama is outside and Papa is telling her I got away somehow. Mama started screaming my name hysterically. Mama was ready to jump the fence to look for me when I moved in the rubbish pile. Papa spotted me. They came and got me. I knew I was in big trouble. Not for where I was hiding but, for not listening to them when they called me. I ran in the house with my tail between my legs and went straight to my crate. They came in the house and made me get out of the crate! They both were screaming at me and yelling at me! They were so mad and so upset. Mama was almost crying. I gave them the "I know I was a bad puppy and I am sorry" look. Papa gave in first which was surprising. He picked me up and told me not to do that again and he kissed me. Then he made me kiss Mama.
We watched a movie and then Mama took me for another walk! I guess hiding behind the shed somehow was not all that bad. We stopped at three different houses in the neighbourhood to visit. I love visiting!! Then we came home and I got a good treat! Time for some more sleep. Just like food, I can't seem to get enough!

Sunday, July 24

Turkey Burgers rock!

We went to a barbecue today. Papa came home from up north today. We all went in the truck and drove to the barbecue. I love going for car rides. At the barbecue Mama fed me some of her turkey burger! So yummy in my tummy! I even had some sherbert for dessert. That was dreamy. I played outside with my toys and slept a lot today. I had such a nice time today.
Mama tried to take me out a few times but, I never went poop. I guess I will have a good one tomorrow. There is something to look forward to!

Saturday, July 23


Mama and I slept in today. Then we went for two walks around the neighbourhood and Mama took me to the park. Papa was up north with his friends.
Later in the evening Mama had two friends come over they were painting nails, doing each other's hair, feet and putting cream on their faces. I felt very left out. I kept trying to jump all over them as I was sure they were all giving each other affection and I was being excluded!
Mama served chicken and meatless meatballs. I loved the meatballs! Mama let me have some. Tasted pretty meaty to me. Anyhow, I had fun today and I always love when company comes over. Mostly because I get to have good food!

Friday, July 22

Fun Friday for me!

I had the best time today! My cousin Samantha came over and we played. We had so much fun. There were a lot of visitors to the house also. The furnace man came to do some inspection. Ew, I did not like him. He was mean kind of and made a crack to Mama about me. He chuckled and said "Oh is that the dog to beware of" Pointing to the sign on the door. Quick thinking Mama replied "This one is nice, the other one we put away".
So I am not a guard dog but, I am not one of those wussy dogs either ya know! I can bark when I have to. Anyhow, I growled at the furnace guy just to let him know I aint no pushover. Then he left. Later in the afternoon another guy in a uniform came to the house. He has the same kind of uniform as the mail man (who by the way I can't stand) But, this guy was nicer.
I jumped all over him and was very friendly. He was so nice and said he had a dog too. Mama brought me inside and we watched from the window. The man was using some kind of weird spray can underneath the garden. Oh! I guess he is trying to kill the wasps! Papa got stung the other day by the garden and I am telling was NOT pretty. His arm swelled up pretty bad. I guess that is why this man came over to kill the bugs! I wonder if he could do something about the butterflies in the backyard. Mama laughs all the time at me but, I am scared of them. I don't know what they are capable of!
Anyhow, Mama took me for a long walk and then I got to go to Gina's house and play! Gina is a miniature black schnauzer who is my friend. Her owners are a nice couple with two kids who I adore and ofcourse, they love me as well.
I slept like a rock. It was fun running around!

Thursday, July 21

A bunch for Lunch

Today we had company. My grandma (Mama's mama) came over with my aunt Kathy (mama's sister) And my cousin Samantha (Mama's sister's daughter). I was very happy. Samantha is five years old and played with me all morning. Samantha is one of the smallest humans I know so it fun to play with her.
Mama and Papa made lunch for everyone. I only got a little piece of Papa's burger. Mama wanted to give me some of her lunch but, it was too boring. Corn and salad. Do I look like I need to be on a diet?? Sheesh, I am only 13 pounds if I lose anymore weight I would be a super model. Mind you, I do have skinny long legs but, all the runway work is too much for me. I like my life just the way it is Thank You very much.
Mama took me for a walk after everyone left and then she went out with her friends.
Papa had a good meaty dinner so I did not mind hanging out with him at all. Papa shares my fond appreciation of protein. After we shared some wings, Papa and I cuddled on the couch and waited for Mama to come back. I slept for a good while too. Entertaining is very tiring.

Wednesday, July 20

Human Females are strange!

Papa took Mama to some big discount clothing store in the middle of nowhere. I got to go too but, I had to stay in the car. Yes - I said car. Papa's truck has to get some scratch removal done since he was told it was brand new when he got it but, the scratches on the hood and kid's sock in the back seat were signs the place lied to Papa. Anyhow, after a lot of letter writing and bad words, Papa got his way. Papa is driving a car for two days. I don't like it. The sun was blaring down on my face and so was the air conditioning. Mama cuddled me the whole way but, I was put off.
While Mama went shopping I stayed with Papa in the car. It was fun. Papa went and got food from Wendy's and he shared it with me. We went through the drive thru so that I was not left unattended. I had a piece of burger and some french fries. Yum yum in my tum tum!!!
Mama came back with a huge bag of clothes and proudly showed them to Papa. She was so happy today. I don't get it. I hate clothes. Mama tries to put them on me and I freeze up and won't move. I guess Mama doesn't have fur........well, between you and me she does have fur but, not nearly as much as I do. Mama is portuguese so she is a little furry.
Anyhow, dinner is in the works and I need a fix.
My food is like Mama's clothes. Makes me happy and all fuzzy inside.

Tuesday, July 19

Are you lonesome tonight? I am

No photo today as I don't want to be seen. Very upsetting day. Papa went to play sports today and mama went out. Mama was all dressed up and talking job interview jibberish again. I was really mad at her. I even pretended to kiss her before she left so I could smush the lipstick around her face. Nobody will hire a lady with lipstick all over her face. Only crazy people wear make up like that.
Anyhow, they left me alone for hours.
Mama came home with gourmet dog biscuits she bought in some poshy poshy neighbourhood called Yorkville.
Yeah, whoopdie do! I need attention! Who cares about gourmet dog biscuits. No, siree, not me.

What flavour did you say they were? Well, I guess it would be rude not to try just one.

Monday, July 18

Dogs will be......well, dogs

Mama took me to the park today. A big park where I like to go because there are always two of my favorite things there. Kids and tennis balls. There is a tennis court there so the chances of me finding a tennis ball are usually pretty good. (Doesn't say much for the players does it?) Today there were some other dogs there. Mama carried me in her arms just to be safe. The dogs turned out to be nice dogs according to my mama but, I just couldn't be bothered with them. Shadow is a big lab/german shepherd mix who is only 7 months old but, five times my size. He isn't nearly as hyper as I am for his young age and he'd much rather chase sticks than play with me. Jazz is a male schnauzer. He barked in my ear the whole time and I just lay on my back until I got sick of him sniffing my bum bum. I whacked him with one of my paws and he finally backed off. That irritates me when dogs try to get a whiff of my bum bum. I just dropped a just cannot be sanitary. I am not interested in other dog's bum bums.
Where are the kitty cat parks? I love kitty cats. I want to play with them! At least they are my size. Kitty cats don't jump on me or try and smell my bum bum. Mama won't let me play with kitty cats because she is afraid they will scratch me. Even if they did, if they stay away from my bum bum they are A-OK with me.

Sunday, July 17

Things to do on a Rainy day

Papa went to play golf today so pretty much mama and I hung out together all day. We cuddled all morning on the couch and watched movies again. Mama loves doing that on a rainy day and yep, it was a rainy day. Mama kept crying through one of the movies. Humans are so strange! Mama doesn't even know these people and she was going through a box of kleenex. I'd hate to see her if she had some real drama to deal with. Like I do. For example, I had to poop outside in the pouring rain! Didn't see me crying, although I didn't like it very much.
Anyhow, on the food front I had a great day! A little dry cereal, a little bit of chips, some steak and for the first time mama let me have the stick when she was almost finished her popsicle. Mmmmmmmm it was so good and seemed to bring enjoyment to mama who laughed while I licked that stick dry. Why would she rent movies to make her cry when she can just watch me all day and be happy?? Some people are just never satisfied.
Mama took me for an afternoon walk, after the rain and I jumped in all the puddles. It was fun. I walked pretty good today and only had to be carried in the final block home stretch. Mama kissed me a lot and made a big fuss.
Papa came home and we had dinner. My favorite part of the day. Then we all cuddled.

Saturday, July 16

Weird weather

I got up bright and early with mama and papa. Mama was busy all morning doing things around the house. I sulked continuosly and laid with papa on the couch all morning. Mama took me out in the afternoon for a long time. We had a good walk and came back home. Mama went out for a while and then we all watched movies and cuddled on the couch. One of the movies made a lot of noise on that darn surround sound system we have. My ears are very sensitive and I buried my head under mama's legs. Oh! The best part of today was that I had chicken breast, a few potato chips and mama gave me half of a granola bar. I love granola bars! She always picks out the raisins because she says they will hurt my tummy but, then she eats them?? What? Is her tummy made of steel? Anyhow, played outside for a while today but, then it rained. We had a nice family day together. I need to go to sleep now. First, I am going to eat some kibble to settle my stomach. See ya!

Friday, July 15

Sleeping Beauty

So tired these days. Does that surprise you? I am very active you know. Today mama and I got up at 8:45. I ate my breakfast and had a taste of mama's too. Then we cuddled on the couch. Mama was working on the computer a lot upstairs. I followed her there and slept. Well, I lay down and kept one eye open. Just making sure she is not going to leave me there and go for a walk without me. Or even worse have a snack without me. Mama took me for an early walk today at noon. I went poo twice! After that my mama had to carry me almost the whole way. Yep, she was whispering things in my ear about how lazy I am becoming but, she will thank me when her biceps are bigger than papa's! I also am trying a new stradegy when we going for a walk. I stop dead in my tracks and won't move. Mama backs up to my level and I steer in the opposite direction. She falls for this all the time now! I am pretty much dictating where we are going and when we are going. Sometimes when I am in a mischevious mood I try to get mama to walk into oncoming cars. She scoops me up rather quickly so it does not work. She gets mad at me but, she still ends up carrying me so it really is a WIN WIN situation. Sometimes the whole route is my own choice! It never makes sense and we go in circles but, at least I get to lead. Mama is going out later with her friend and keeps telling me that over and over. I am staying home with Papa who is watching some show with men holding some sticks and hitting a little white ball into a hole. Or should I say trying to. Papa doesn't yell at the screen as much as he used to when those other men chased that round black thing on ice with sticks. This show makes him much calmer. I got steak leftovers for lunch and Papa took out ribs for his dinner. I am so excited. I know just how to look at him with my eyes and lick my chops like I have not eaten for days. He is a sucker everytime. Until then, I am going back to sleep. I'm telling ya, being a dog is not as easy as it looks.

Thursday, July 14

Hazy and Lazy

I woke up bright and early at 7:30! I was ready to play! I jumped all over mama and kept licking her. She was not too happy about that. I kind of got in trouble and told to go back to sleep. I waited and then did it again at 7:40, 7:55, 8:04, 8:17...finally mama said a word she usually only says when she stubs her toe or drops something and got out of bed! Yeaaaaahhh! Time to play! Mama brought me outside to use the washroom and I came back in and ate my breakfast. My gourmet dog food I have every morning. It's no name gourmet though. I'm not that much of a diva ok?
I cuddled with mama while she ate her cereal and as usual, she gave me a few small bits of it. Not too much though - mama always explains to me that my bum bum is way too small for all that fighburr?? Whatever that is? Anyhow it is yummy.
Papa was watching golf today so I cuddled with him on the couch and played with his socks that he dropped on the floor. I love socks.
Mama took me for a walk but, after I did my business she had to carry me. I was panting a lot. It was very hot and I was tired. Mama tried to give me water but, I did not want it. I just wanted to be carried. We came home and there was a big storm! Normally I would be scared but, papa was barbecuing so I braved the rain and stood outside with him. The grass was very wet. When I went inside mama used that "stub her toe" word again as I crossed the clean kitchen tiles. Not sure why?
Papa cut up some steak and mama fed it to me.
I have the best parents ever! I need to lie down. Digestion can be such a chore.

Wednesday, July 13

Another scorcher!

I spent the morning cuddling with mama. We watched THE VIEW. I snuggled my ears close to mama because the women on the show kept yelling at each other and debating over something I did not understand. I played outside also. Today was hot again. I drank a lot of water half the day and the other half I spent going pee. I had two afternoon naps and then smelled the poulty seasoning!! I had my very own chicken breast for dinner. It was so delicious. I feel much better today. My tummy is like brand new! Mama took me for a long walk later this evening. I pooed four times! I feel like a whole new dog. We got home and I cuddled mama on the couch again. She gave me my daily vitamin which I chomp really good with my teeth. (I never chew my chicken or steak, I just gulp that whole!)
Mama brushed my teeth with my beef flavored toothpaste and then I went to bed. What an exhausting day!

Tuesday, July 12

I got Garbage Gut

I had a rough night. I could not sleep it was too hot. I woke mama up at 2am to play with me. She thought I had to go to the bathroom but, I did not. I wanted her to throw the tennis ball and she would not. She was a little preturbed for some reason. Then at 4 a.m, I woke her up to put me down on the floor. Then I threw up on the floor. Mama had to clean it up and she gave me some water. I was scared. Why was this gross stuff coming out of me? I have eaten chips in the past? The chips I had were kind of spicy though. Mama was eating them and dropping crumbs so I ate them. I also had a hotdog again yesterday. I had some of my own food. A little of mama's ice cream cone and papa gave me a few pieces of his hamburger. Man, am I paying for it! My tummy really hurt today. I slept until noon with mama and then I slept all afternoon. We did not go for a long walk today. Mama said it was too hot and I was not well. I will have to cut down on the snacks for the next little while........hey what's that noise? Someone is eating chips. Gotta go!

Monday, July 11

Are ya feeling hot hot hot?

Mama and I slept in until ten. Looks like she is not working for real. I was so happy I licked her face when I woke up. Around noon mama got all dressed up and put on ugly shoes. This can only mean one thing. Job Interview. I was disgusted. She only needs one job. Taking care of me. I tried to pee on her shoe before she left but, she caught me sniffing around and took me outside. I will have to do that next time. Who would hire someone who reeks of urine? Nobody I know...and hey, I know dogs. Anyways, upset with mama.
Papa played ball with me while mama was gone. When she came home she bought me a new toy! LOVE that mama!
Later in the day mama took me for a walk. We stopped at two different houses. They had dogs too. Mama and I see them around the neighbourhood. One of the dogs is Max. Max is a black german shepherd. Max is older and very calm. Although he can't be bothered with me I am afraid of him. Mama kept trying to get me closer to Max but, I would not go. The other house we stopped at is home to a dog named Katie. Katie is thirteen years old and going through menopause. In fact she is on estrogen. I wanted to play with her but, she does not like me. I guess she must be jealous of my youth. Besides, in this crazy weather everyone is experiencing hot flashes so no sympathy from me!! Speaking of heat. I need water.

Sunday, July 10

Mama's Little Angel

Mama kept telling me I was her little angel today because everyone kept saying how well behaved I was at the barbecue. I'm no fool. I know when to lay on the sugar.
I had my very first hot dog today. Barbecue leftovers from yesterday. I loved it! I gobbled it up and plopped on mama's lap to kiss her. I also got chicken! Man, I LOVE that barbecue. If I wasn't fixed I would.....oh nevermind. I just love that gorgeous silver machine.....
Mama took me for a walk and we went to a big park. I found a tennis ball! Brand new! I carried it in my mouth all the way home. A few people told my mama in passing that I was the cutest dog they ever saw. Is this supposed to be a newsflash? Mama smiled at them and said "Thanks". She already knows I am the sweetest dog around.
That mama is a smart woman.
I need another nap. The five of them I had today were just not sufficient.

Saturday, July 9

Party People in Da House!

Mama and Papa had a big gathering today! All their friends came over at the same time. I was in complete heaven. I got oodles of attention and there was so much food! Mama fed me chicken and steak! Needless to say I am no longer angry with her. She has completely redeemed herself. Mama's friends all gushed over me. Mama spent most of the day proudly telling stories about me. Mama showed off the pink poodle room upstairs that her and papa dedicated to me. People took turns looking at the scrapbook mama made about me. Mama held me in her arms for a long time! I kept licking her face and she kept telling everyone how much I loved her. I do but, the fact that she had remnants of steak sauce on her cheek was my main motivater! This party was definitely for me. I was so happy and so excited I didn't even go poopie today. I also did not nap today so I am so tired. I am going to go to bed even though there are still people here. I can only be so cute and accomodating for so long. The gig is up. It's bed time.

Friday, July 8

Down but, went out!

Once again mama and papa seem very busy. I was sad today. Mama was home all week from work and she barely spent time with me. Well except for our walks, eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together, cuddling on the couch and sleeping in her bed. I heard her say she has an interview on Monday! You see my mama was laid off from work last Thursday. She promised me she was going to spend lots of time with me and now she is going to try and get a job! I am so upset! I was withdrawn and slept almost all day. Mama took me for a walk but, I didn't feel like it. My bum bum still hurts from the monster groomer lady. It was also way too hot. Mama carried me and kept whispering in my ear that I was a lazy bum bum!
Mama and Papa were busy all day once again! Later in the early evening we went to my granma's house! My mama's mother. I love her so much! She made a big fuss over me. I hope my mama and papa were paying attention, they could learn from her! Then I saw two of my mama's sisters and they too made a big fuss! This perked me up. That was the best part of my day except for the hamburger patty mama gave me for lunch.
I am going to bed now. I know something big is happening here tomorrow. That wooden thing papa built is done and there is new furniture in the back. Maybe they are having a celebration for me? Another birthday party perhaps? I had one in February and I literally had my cake and ate it too. Man, I am hoping there is more cake tomorrow. I will let you know. My paws hurt from typing. Bye.

Thursday, July 7

Carry On!

Not acting myself at all today. I spent nearly the entire morning moping around. Mama was cleaning and washing clothes. Papa was outside working again. They barely spent any time with me. Must be the new haircut. Don't they like me anymore? What happened to the guilt? Where is the love? I went in my crate for an hour this morning and nobody even noticed. Mama was mopping the floor at one point and called for me. I didn't go. She kept calling and calling. I was at the top of the stairs. She finally saw me and came running up the stairs to get me. She doesn't mind if I go up the stairs by myself but, she freaks when I go down them. She is terrified I am going to fall. I myself, prefer to be carried down the stairs as I always am. I did it on purpose so she would pay attention to me. It only worked for a while. Finally mama took me for an early afternoon walk but, she brought me back home after a half hour because I kept lying down on the grass. It was too hot. What does she want from my life? She brought me back home and then left the house. Papa told me mama went to get her nails done. HA! Her turn to be tramautized and held down while screaming. I only wish I had dropped her off there myself. Then we would be even. Anyhow, she came back later and seemed happy. That really confused me? She even showed papa her toes proudly when she returned? She kept smiling? Her groomer must sedate her or something? Anyhow, she took me for a long walk but, I am still kind of mad with her cause of yesterday. I refused to walk and plopped myself down continuosly. She picked me up and carried me for the whole walk! I cried to let her know I had to poop. It was great! I love when she carries me. The world is so much more interesting from the human level. All I ever see is grass, rocks, the odd stick and doggie doo doo. We got home and mama gave me half of a hamburger patty! Yummy! I even ate my own dinner after that and all my water. That walking is sure tiresome!

Wednesday, July 6

My bum bum is itchy!

So I went to get groomed today. It was brutal! Mama brought me in at 9:30am and the monster with the clippers told her that she was very busy today and mama had to pick me up at 4pm!! I wasn't having it. I caused a big commotion and started crying. Mama was telling me it was ok. I guess Mama has never had anyone poking around her bum bum with scissors and clippers!! Mama tried to hand me over to the groomer and I dug my paws into mama's shoulders. No way am I staying here for a whole day when I know mama just bought fresh drumsticks! Mama reluctantly handed me over and the monster groomer put me in a cage and closed the gate! What is this?? I WAILED for mama and mama looked sad but, left!! There were all these other poodles in the shop also in various stages of bathing or shaving. The lot of them looked like fools!!! I continued to whine after mama left but, everyone ignored me so I went to sleep in my prison cell. I woke up to the monster groomer lady taking me out of the cell and getting me ready to bathe. The bathing part I really like. It is fun! Then she put me on the dreaded table. The grooming table to us dogs is what the pap test table is to women. We absolutely hate it even though we know it is important for our well being. It actually in fact is rather degrading. Snip here , razor there, cut over there and some OOPSIES along the way. Ouch. Anyhow, they cut my hair really short and nicked my bum bum. My bum bum was itchy and sore all day!
Mama finally showed up at 4pm to pick me up. I cried when I heard her come in. She picked me up and tried to kiss me. I wasn't having it! I turned away and shunned her. Mama paid and asked the lady how I was. The lady said fine. I nudged my mama's arm hard. That damn groomer lady is a liar! I was cowering and shaking call that fine??
Anyhow, we left and mama kept trying to kiss me the whole way home. I would of scratched her eyes out but, my nails are now too short!
Papa was driving and asked me for a kiss. He got a whole bunch! After all, he is not the one who brought me into that dreadful place!
We got home and I completely ignored mama.......that is until she got out the treats! YES! Guilt kicked in!
Mama took me for a long walk but, my bum bum was so itchy I kept rubbing it in the grass. She had to carry me the whole way. If you ask me it was the very least she could do after the day I had!
Anyhow, got chicken out of the deal and some macaroni when I got home. Not quite worth my torment but, I plan on playing on mama's guilt for a little while anyhow.
My bum bum is sore so I am going to bed - right after I figure out how to use the phone and schedule a full bikini wax for mama.
Revenge is best served cold.

Tuesday, July 5

Spa day is coming!

They finally made my grooming appointment!. They better not have any silly ideas planned for me. (Like the idiot shown here)
I like getting groomed. It is relaxing and except for when the razor goes near my butt, I am half asleep through most of it.
I plan on acting all tramautized when I get home like I always do and milking my human parents for some good food. Not those bland doggie biscuits. I want some steak. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!!

I'll let you know how it goes.
YAWN. I am tired. Going to sleep. Bye

Monday, July 4

They went out!

Mama and Papa went out today. They left me alone for five hours! The nerve! I slept, went upstairs and played with my toys up there. Came back downstairs and played with a ball. Not much fun when nobody around to play with. I got bored so I went to sleep. I heard a noise and woke up. It was them! Woohoo! I went nuts and acted all neglected and got lots of attention! Mama was kissing me like crazy and papa kept saying how much they missed me. I played along. After all they are kind of nice and probably will give me some steak later out of guilt!
Anyhow, I cuddled with mama for a while and then suddenly there was a big bang! I jumped up six feet in the air! Mama tried consoling me. I was so scared I ran into my crate. I go in there when I am scared or mama is talking too loud. Mama came and got me out. She brought me to the window and showed me it was raining. She was trying to explain where the noise came from and then BOOM! there it was again! I shivered and then realized the noise must be coming from outside. Doesn't affect me. I went back to sleep. Mama took me for a long walk with one of her friends. I charmed the neighbourhood as usual. They can't get enough of me. I looked extra cute because we got caught in the rain and I was soaked. This time no loud noises with the rain, I guess the sky was no longer angry. Got home and had a chicken leg! My favorite! I love my mama and papa!! Then I went back to sleep. What a busy day!

Sunday, July 3

Where is the shade?

Today was another hot one! I need to get a haircut soon - this weather is doing a number on me! I keep hearing mama and papa talk about making me an appointment but, so far nobody is lifting a finger. Seriously, what do those two do all day? Pass me the phone, I'll call the groomer!!! Today was fun but, as I said too hot. Spend most of my day looking for shade and plopping myself down on it. Papa still working on that wooden thing and mama was out lying in the sun for a while. I wanted to lie with her in the sun but, I couldn't take it. Not only because the sun was beaming down on me. Mama had her walkman on and was singing really loud! I think she thinks she can sing. The truth is she was totally off tune!! It was driving me nuts! Lay in the shade for a while then got bored. Found a bunch of wild shrubs in the back garden to play with. Luckily mama and papa were both occupied and didn't see me digging it. Then something got stuck on me and I went back to the shade. Suddenly, my mama came running over and she starting picking some gooey things out of my fur. Must of been from that darn shrub! Anyhow, mama put me in her lap and began picking this stuff our of my fur and asking me over and over what was in my fur. HELLO!!! I can't answer you back woman!! So anyhow it was like a national geographic special feature program. You know when the mommy gorilla is grooming her baby and picking all the crap out of his fur??? Yeah, just like that.
So mama and I went for a long walk again but, I was too hot so got carried for half of it. It's ok though cuz mama tells me that she needs the excercise more than I do.
Got home, got some of mama's dinner and most of papa's steak!!!
I really am on a role these days with getting food from them!!
I must sleep now. Bye.

Saturday, July 2


I am really tired today. Mama took me for our walk. I walked the whole way! I either really had a lot of energy or forgot to hang my tongue and gasp so she would pick me up like she always does. I was really tired when we got home. I ate most of my dinner and most of mama's. The best thing happened after that! I was lying down upstairs on my "office" bed. Yes, I have 3 beds. I have a bed in my papa's office, a bed in the living room and a bed in my parent's room. I like to refer to them as lounging mats. I sleep with mama and papa in their bed. Just as I should.
Anyhow, as I saying. I was lounging in my "office" mat and then papa came in and brought me a huge steak bone! He let me have it! I devoured that thing in about ten minutes. Mama kept asking me if I was O.K. Not sure why. Eventually I drowned her out with the sound of my chomping and really enjoyed it. Not quite sure what I did to get this fantastic treat but, I will have to try and do it again real soon! Let me see, Recap of my day :
Got in trouble for bothering papa as he is still building that wooden thing in the yard. Apparently I was too close to something called a power drill? Whatever!
Got in trouble by mama for trudging through the house with my wet dirty paws right after she mopped the floor for the third time.
Hmmm. Must of been one of those two things. Have to repeat and see if it works again! Need my protein fix!

Friday, July 1

Canada Day?

Today I caused havoc. Papa had a friend over and was building some large wooden structure they referred to as a "deck" in the back yard. I kept getting in trouble for trying to lick some wood pieces. Papa kept saying I was going to get slivers. Silly human! My tongue is like sand paper. If anything I could give that wood a sliver......just give me a chance! Anyhow, it was hot and muggy and I was restless and bored. Mama took me for a long walk for an hour. She held me in her arms for around 45 minutes of it. She kept cooing in my ear that it was too hot for a small baby like me. I don't get that woman. Why did she take me out in the blistering heat then? Slept really good after my "walk". Some other humans I don't know came over for a barbecue after. Everyone kept talking about Canada Day. I don't know what it means. I guess you eat a lot on Canada Day. That is what we all did at our house. I had a little steak, chicken and even some sausage. My tummy hurts but, I could eat more. Just let me have the chance. Got in trouble for jumping on the picnic table. I always jump on the picnic table. I guess I am not suppose to do it while people are eating??? Picky humans. They don't know what they want.