Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Thursday, June 29

YOWZA! Liver!!

Mama brought home an odd slab of meat today. That woman is the best hunter! Always coming home with food, fresh from the hunt and she still manages to look pretty and not even break a nail. I don't know how she does it! Anyhow, she cooked it and it smelled so good. I was doing circles around her.....stalking her every move. Then she gave me a bowl.
WOW.....Not since meeting my cyber boyfriend T-Man, have I ever felt such love. It's called liver. I am not allowed to have it very often but, apparently it is very good for me. Boy, is it ever delicious!!! I must Thank our neighbour Audrey who told Mama that I would just love it. She was right!
Chicken may never be the same after this delicacy.

Oh, and T-Man, ..... Don't ever buy me diamonds. I am not that type of girl. Nothing says I love you like a big slab of liver !!!

Wednesday, June 28

The sky is mad!

Woah. I was outside playing. All of the sudden BOOM!!! CRACK!!! And then I almost got soaked before Mama and I got inside. The sky was really angry and making a lot of banging noises. Now that I think about it, maybe the clouds were hungry. I know when I am hungry my tummy makes angry noises.

Anyhow, it was kinda scary. Mama and I watched from the window for a while and then when we heard hail pellets bashing down through the fireplace that was enough for Mama. She ran to the basement with me in her arms and we stayed there for a while. I guess Mama was afraid the wind was going to blow us away.

I don't know what she's so worried about??? Didn't that other girl make it safely out of such weather conditions with her little dog??? You know, that sickly sweet girl with the red ruby slippers?

Monday, June 26


I was very clingy today. I always am on Mondays. I get used to be with Mama like two peas in a pod all weekend....when she goes back to work it takes me a while to adjust. And it happens every week. I stalk Papa all day. Papa is nice and fun to play with but, he doesn't cuddle me all day like Mama does. Papa keeps telling me I am a big girl now. While I like that he recognizes that I am a growing independant young woman, I also like being treated like a baby. I guess that's why they call it growing pains.

I save up my saliva all day and paint Mama's face with it when she comes home.

Don't worry, I'll adjust by Wednesday and then she'll be home for the weekend and the cycle will start all over again......

Sunday, June 25

Viva Portugal!!!

Mama and Papa have world cup fever and apparently it is contagious. Even I participated today. Mama is portuguese so everybody in this house roots for Portugal if they know what's good for them. I am no exception. Here I am getting ready for the game in my team jersey.

Wow, what a game! Portugal won so there was a lot of screaming around here. My ears hurt. Thankfully Mama knew well enough not to hold me this time. Once she dropped me while watching Portugal play when I was little. It was an accident supposedly. Trust me....Me and that Sean Preston dude got lots in common. Anyhow, I ran around outside after and played soccer with Papa. I kicked his butt.

Then I got a little too cocky and aggressive and Papa ended up handing me a yellow card. In soccer that it your first warning. I think Papa was threatened by my kicking and running abilities so he carded me.

Then I got benched for the rest of the day. That's ok. I'll take one for the team. VIVA PORTUGAL!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 20

Two tickets to Paradise

I was thinking about getting out of here. Going to see my boyfriend T-Man in the states. I was hoping to surprise him with my arrival. Since he sees crystal clear now we wouldn't have to have a blind date. Thanks to his cataract surgery. I had a big elaborate plan of sneaking out in the middle of the night with just the fur on my back and running off to see my man. I envisioned us taking off to exotic countries. Helping rescue doggies kind of like Angelina and Brad only WAY better looking. I fantasized about being interviewed on Dateline and having our wedding featured on ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT. I was planning this for a while. Well today anyhow. Then suddenly I got a whiff of Papa's barbecued chicken fresh off the grill and a plate with my name on being brought to me.
No offense T-Man. I love you dearly. I just don't think I am willing to part with the luxuries of my current lifestyle. I mean, I know you would treat me like the princess I am but, can you reach a grill?
If you can, let me know and I'll start packing.

Your black fur goddess,


Sunday, June 18

Happy Father's Day !!

Ode to my Papa:

Thanks for making me a nice backyard
I can run around and it's not so hard
I appreciate when you toss the ball around
And cheer me up when I am down
You know I like your smelly sock
I'm the luckiest dog on the block
You always give me the last bit of your meat
And make me my own piece, you're so sweet!
You're the best human dad a dog could ever have.
You're kind, nice, playful and suave.

Happy Papa's day!!

Your hairy daughter who loves you lots!

Friday, June 16


TGIF as Mama always says. I am not sure what it means. Mama says that on Fridays so I will too. I was a lazy bum bum today. Mama tried to take me for a walk and I kept lying down. It is way too hot for me. Even though I just got a haircut. I still managed to look beautiful though.
Hey, I figured out what TGIF stands for.
Too Gorgeous In Fur.

That's me alright.

Thursday, June 15

Having a ball!

You know. For a female dog - I got a lot of balls.
I mean tennis balls. Rubber balls. Squishy balls.
I just love em.
Not that I am trying to hint that I want any of you to buy me any. Say for Christmas or my birthday or Easter or just because you love me and think I am adorable.
Did I mention I love balls?

Wednesday, June 14

Le Chien Elegant!

Ok, I know I havn't posted in a few days but, just to refresh your memory here is what I looked like last time you saw me.

And I bit the bullet and finally got groomed. Here I am with the new do. I can't believe I am saying this but, I am really glad I went! I am now able to see properly and show off my slim supermodel physique that was hiding underneath all that fur. And to think Papa thought I was getting fat! I have an impeccable form and it really was a shame I wasn't showing it off to the world. (And if my boyfriend T-Man is reading this I don't show off for mating purposes, I show off because I can - Don't worry, you are still the one)
I go to a grooming place called Le Chien Elegant. That's French for The Elegant Dog. How perfect does this place match who I am?? It's on Avenue Road too. Only the finest for this diva. Papa asked Mama to send my blog to the lady who owns the grooming place so I can't tell you what I really think of the whole poking and prodding experience....but, I can tell you that it is worth it.

Brad and Angelina adopt orphans. I get groomed so that the world is exposed to my beauty. It's the least I could do for humanity.

Monday, June 12

Lazy Mama!

I got groomed days ago and Mama has not taken any photos. I wanted to quickly write and let all my fans and my boyfriend T-Man know that I am ok.
Mama says she needs to buy batteries for the digital camera and that is why she has not been doing my blog.
Funny enough she seems to have plenty of time to do her own celebrity gossip blog.

I feel so neglected.

I can so relate to Maddox and Zahara right now.

Friday, June 9

I need a haircut

Just look at me. No wonder I hate the heat. I am hairier than ever. You know what that means.
It's inevitable. I am going to get groomed.
Don't tell Mama and Papa but, I am actually looking forward to it this time! I am itchy and stinky and my bum bum....well, let's just say I am not comfortable.

Please don't tell Mama and Papa cuz then it won't work when I play my sympathy card.

Thursday, June 8

Waiting for Dinner

This is where I sit while I am waiting for my dinner. Everytime I see Mama or Papa with those funny gloves on and putting food in and out of that hot thing.....I just plop down by the kitchen and wait. Soon the house is filled with lovely aromas and I know my tummy's getting fed.
Otherwise, I never sit here.

That's the power of poultry people!

Wednesday, June 7

Lazing around

This hot weather makes me lazy and hungry. Mama takes me for my walks but, I insist on lying down a lot. Everytime I find a nice shady tree and plop myself down she makes me get up again.
The nerve of her! I don't make her get up when she's lying down in bed. I seize the moment and lie down with her.

That's dedication!
And an excuse to lay around doing nothing.

Tuesday, June 6

Waiting for Mama...

I enjoy spending all weekend with Mama so I really miss her when she goes back to work at the beginning of the week. Papa's fun and all but, he doesn't spoil me quite as much as Mama does. I always have Mama's undivided attention. Mama doesn't easily get distracted when sports are on like Papa does.

This is me and Papa waiting for Mama to come home. The old man misses her as much as I do when she ain't around!

Monday, June 5

Lush Gardens

Papa is a master landscaper. He has put a beautiful garden in the backyard yet again. I love running in my backyard. I inspect every new plant or flower that goes back there too. I am nosy like that. Papa has made it really nice for us. It is like my personal Garden of Eden.

T-Man do you want a bite of my apple??
(I'm blushing)

Sunday, June 4

I walked 6k!!!

I walked 6 kilometres today. I have no idea what that means but, I do know I am exhausted! No, it's not part of Mama's drill sargeant attempts to slim me down, Mama signed us up for a walk for a great cause. It was for my Uncle Danny. (Mama's brother) Danny is in a home and there are several homes like his which are run by a place called COMMUNITY LIVING.
I had a blast! Everybody loved me and let's face it, how could you not?

Danny was in in his wheel chair. I walked with three of my aunts and my cousins! Even my doggie cousins were there. We were really tired but, we were troopers and everyone cheered for us when we crossed the finish line. Someone yelled, "Let's hear it for the dogs!"
Darn right! It was boiling hot and I have my permanent fur coat on. I should get a standing ovation for all my hard work. Good thing Mama had plenty of water and a portable bowl. I must of lost a couple pounds today for sure.

You know what that means.....I get more chicken!! EVERYONE wins!!
Here are some photos.

Here is my cousin Samantha with the mascot guy. I was scared of him!

Here's my other cousin Natasha cuddling me while we wait to go on the walk.

Some woman was singing good songs. I said good which means Mama did not sing. Thankfully.

And where there is singing, there is dancing.......

And more dancing. People had a ball just grooving to the beat!

Here I am with my doggie cousin Jake. We are starting the walk here. I never pooped during my walk even though Mama had her trusty bags with her. But, I peed alot. All that water...

My aunt Nancy with Danny on the walk. Danny enjoyed the scenery as Nancy kept pushing the wheelchair into Mama's ankles. She said it was an accident but, I'm not convinced.

Danny getting a well deserved drink after the walk is done.

And my favorite part! The barbecue afterward! Truth be known, the last kilometre I picked up speed due to the scent of grilled burger I could smell from afar!!! Lucky for me Mama got a burger and let me have it!!!
They were small burgers in case my vet is reading this.
Here's Danny having his burger.

My aunt Kathy walked too. She had fun.

My human and doggie cousins relaxing after the walk.

I made lots of friends and charmed everyone with my sunny personality but, this girl was my favorite. She told me she loved me. Doesn't everyone?

This is the group that lives at my Uncle's home. They are all nice but, my Uncle Danny is my favorite. I don't walk 6 kilometres for just anyone you know!!!!

There were lots more photos of me but, today was not about me. Everyday can't be about me. (Why not?) Besides, too much of my cuteness could be addictive. I was a good girl today.Mama kissed me so much today and told me she is so proud of me. I didn't try and lie down in the shade once during the walk. Ok, I did lie down. Twice. But, other than that I was really pounding the pavement and Mama only carried me once. Or twice. Who's counting.

I wonder if they have any burgers left........

Friday, June 2

I should of been a penguin

Thankfully it wasn't too hot today. I hate the heat. I like sunny weather but, not so much humidity. I really prefer the winter and running in the snow. I have magical powers in the winter and can turn the snow yellow! I love doing that!!!!! Mama took me for a long walk today so I was thrilled but, I tried lying down under a shady tree several times. She wouldn't let me rest. Mama is such a drill sargeant! She keeps telling me I need excercise and forces me to walk. She thinks she is my personal trainer. She won't even pick me up anymore! I must be losing my touch. Darn it.

Thursday, June 1

I'm back peeps!

I apologize for being a lazy bum and not blogging for the last few days. It has been hot and humid and I have been too tired to blog. Mama was worried cuz I was not myself. First I was worried that my internet boyfriend T-Man was having surgery. Now he is fine. They operated on his cataracts and he can see again! Yup, he is a much older man thus, the cataract problem but, you see I am a dog, not a human (Yikes, did I just say that?) so we have no rules when it comes to dating. It pretty much comes down to who's bum smells the best.
Anyhow, I was worried about him, too hot, couldn't go for my daily walks cuz it was way too humid, so I got upset. Then to make matters worse Mama and Papa decided to stop feeding me chicken daily cuz the vet told them I am a little overfed. The bastard.
Between my boyfriend's health and being forced on a hunger strike - I just have not been so thrilled. Mama caved and gave me a tiny bit of chicken today. WOOHOO.
The last few days I barely ate and Mama knew I was getting desperate when she heard me munching on my own kibble!!!
I hope I get some more chicken soon. I cannot deal with this.
Another reason I didn't blog. Chicken Withdrawl.