Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Friday, September 29

Lovey dovey stuff

It was Mama and Papa's anniversary the other night. They have been married for five years. I am only two and a half so obviously the first two and a half years of their marriage weren't as memorable or anywhere near as fulfilling as when they got me.
Apparently I got them a gift. Some art for the living room. Personally, if I were really going to be given access to Papa's credit cards I wouldn't of chosen that gift. I would of bought them lots of kibble, some stuffed toys and a few meaty treats. Well, there's gotta be something in this anniversary thing for me doesn't there??
Mama and Papa have been lovey dovey for days now and I am a little upset. I am usually the centre of the universe around here. Hmpft!!
Hopefully Papa forgot to put out the garbage or left his stinky socks on the floor again. Then Mama will be mad at him. MORE ATTENTION FOR ME!!
Waiting patiently........

Wednesday, September 27

Blogger glitch - but, I am back!

I am back peeps! Mama posted a few times and didn't even bother to check if it got posted. There was a glitch in my blog and apparently I had a blank page for a few days. Thanks to my boyfriend T-Man for pointing this out on his blog.
What would I do with out my handsome poodle stud?
Speaking of T-Man, his photo was declined for a doggie calendar. Can you believe the nerve of those doggie calendar people? My man is gorgeous. How could they refuse him? It's beyond me. Especially because we look so much alike and I am a supermodel.

Just in case those horrible doggie calendar people happen to come across my blog. Here is my profile. Stunning isn't it? If you want to book me for a photo shoot YOU must contact my agent. Agent Mama that is. But, I wouldn't bother, she is going to turn you down. If T-Man wasn't good enough for you deranged people than either am I.
So, take that!

Thursday, September 21

It's quite Pawsible.

It's quite pawsible that I am a little obsessive compulsive. I am constantly licking my paws. All of Mama's doggie manuals say it's behavorial. Obviously these writers have no idea what they are talking about. I don't have behavior problems. I am just very aware of my vanity. I like to keep clean and look beautiful. If that's considered a behavioral issue than what can I say?
Guilty as charged.
Guilty but, stunning as heck.

Tuesday, September 19

I've been tagged, I'm it!

I've been tagged by my boyfriend T-Man to list 5 things that make a true doggie friend. So all you doggies listen up! (I was also tagged by Jaffeboy- another male dog but, let's not dwell on that. No need to make the T-Man jealous - even though he is stunning when he's a bit envious)
Ok, here are my 5 things that make a true doggie friend:

1) Please be gentle if you pass me on the street. No need to jump on me or try and mount me or sniff aggressively AND/OR consistently at my rear end. Take your whiff and move on. I don't appreciate that type of behavior. I am a proper lady and demand to be treated like one.

2) Don't bark right into my ears. I have very sensitive ears. And if any Mamas are reading this they shouldn't sing in their baby doggie's ears. Especially one particular Mama who does this all the time. Just because people have the ability to sing - doesn't mean they should.

3) A true doggie friend walks beside another doggie if they are being walked together. A friend will also turn away politely when the other doggie friend is delivering a stool and wait until the said piece of stool is picked up before looking back. Some things are private.

4) A doggie friend will share the water bowl. Nothing worse that a bowl hog. And we all have encountered this at some time. That one slobbering mutt that just doesn't get that this is not the last bowl of water on earth. There is more to come. Share people share!

5) The best doggie friend would not try and lick up or kiss my Mama. I get very upset. Not in an aggressive way because I am not that type. I just need other doggies to know that Mama is mine and she should only rub my belly or kiss my head or rub my legs. You may sniff Mama and give her a quick lick greeting but, otherwise back off. She's my Mama! Grrrr
(Same goes for my boyfriend T-Man - but, that should be obvious)

Why can't we all get along? Be a good doggie friend!

Monday, September 18

Shutter Bug

I bring meaning to the term shutter bug. I was a bit of a bugger today when Mama was trying to take photos of me. Usually I am very photogenic and even pose for photos being the supermodel that I am. I wasn't so cooperative today. I looked Mama in the eye and then quickly darted my glance before she could snap a shot.

Then I looked away. I was trying to go for the dramatic affect but, Mama thought I was being a bit diva-ish.

She was getting impatient so I turned away completely. I am a supermodel in high demand and get paid big bucks. Mama's lucky I let her photograph me for free.

Finally Mama said the magic word. TREAT.
Voila, the money shot.

Sunday, September 17

Just chillin

I'm just taking it easy today. I have to come down. Mama went out last night and got home late. I almost choked when she home because I missed her so much. I somehow collapsed my trachea (whatever that is?) and coughed up until I puked. I think I am really attached to Mama. She's getting ready to go off today again somewhere. I heard Papa say she is going to karoake to sing. I love Mama but, I am really glad that she is going without me. Her singing hurts my ears to be honest. I'll just hang out with Papa, my toys and read my boyfriend T-Man's blog.

Tuesday, September 12

The big reveal!

I got poked, prodded, clipped, shaved and trimmed today. I feel so violated. I need a moment.

Ok. I am back. I have to look on the bright side of it all. I am more beautiful than ever. Just a little ticked off and sulky. I hate going to the groomers but, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Sigh.

Monday, September 11

I'm Bringing Sexy Back

I am going to the spa tomorrow. I will get a trim, my nails done and get a bath that'll leave me smelling fresh as a daisy. My hair is unruly, a little matted, my nails are too long (Mama and Papa can hear me coming when they are trying to sneak a snack from me) So it's time...for my beauty treatment. Yes, people. (And my doggie fans alike) Being this beautiful does require some effort. None on my part.
Even though I need to go get groomed - I must say. I am still one hot tamale. Just look at me. I know you can't see my eyes but, let's face probably weren't looking there anyhow.
T-Man is sure one lucky stud!

Saturday, September 9

Confusion and Chaos

Once in a blue moon (I guess the moon is very sad and depressed and this doesn't happen much thus, the expression) Mama gives me a big denta bone to chew on. They are supposedly good for my teeth but, I love them because they are yummy. They are pretty big though and you can see I have a small supermodel frame so it takes me a long time to eat one. I chew on it a bit and then I panic. I need to hide it from the humans. Why you ask? Have you see the way Mama eats? Anyhow, I hide the bone. Then decide the hiding spot is too obvious. Then I re-hide it. Then I catch Mama watching me from the corner of her eye. So I re-hide it. Then I decide I want another little chew so I go get it again. Then I stash it somewhere else.
This goes on all day. Sometimes I forget where I put it last. I usually figure it out after re-visiting all my other hiding spots. Papa thinks it's funny to take it and move it when I am not looking.
I'll show him funny! I am going to pee in his new shoes.
Hell hath no fury like a poodle scorned!

Wednesday, September 6

I walk the line!

I want to share with you one of my daily walks. I love them! I brave the cracked terrains and pre-sprinkled grass every day. I am fearless and an adventurer!

I explore and investigate !

I stop to smell the roses so to speak. Must know what everything is and what impact it has on me.

I am very athletic and love to climb stairs. Just call me Chelsea Balboa.

I get to the top and yell "MAMA!" - I would yell Adrienne! But, that would make no sense cuz that is not mama's name. (Note to self, try and get her to change it so that I could yell out Adrienne just like in the Rocky movie)

Mama's versions of our walks together are quite different than mine. She tells everyone that I am lazy and lie down a lot. She thinks I do it on purpose so that she can carry me. Ok, I know in this picture I am lying down but, possibly I was cathing my breath or possibly laying low so that a male dog did not sense my sensuality and try something. (I just hate when they can't take no for an answer!)

Alright, alright, maybe Mama's got a point. Or...maybe she's crazy. Only she knows the truth. Doggone it!

Tuesday, September 5

Curly Girlie

I hear murmurings of a grooming appointment. Darn. I thought they forgot. You can see how much my hair has grown though. The other day I went to poop and it got stuck in my curly bum hair. That's usually a sign to the human folk that it's time to book an appointment.
I like my shaggy look. I think it has a savage ambience to it. I look fierce!
On the other hand, my bum is itchy, my paw fur is tangled and the hair around my eyes is so long that when Mama calls me and has a treat in her hand, I can't make out if it's a treat worth running for or not. So I run anyway. I am afraid all this running may ruin my ample figure. I must not do that. I have an image to uphold.
I guess I have to growl and bear it. The clippers are coming to get me.

Monday, September 4

Simply Irresistable!

My doggie cousins Jessie and Jake came over today! We had so much fun! I think Jake has a crush on me. He's kind of shy around me and sniffs my butt a little more than I deem necessary. I just pretend I don't notice him. But, before you think I am playing hard to get? I'm not playing.
I am hard to get.
Just ask T-Man my boyfriend. It took weeks of him wooing me over the internet before I finally agreed to call him mine. Ok.... so it wasn't weeks, it was minutes and I am the one who pursued him but, hey.....I know what I want.
All this flirting and being irresistable to males is wearing me down. I need a nap. Night peeps!