Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Tuesday, February 28


I am officially 2 in human years. 14 in dog years. Yup, I am practically a teenager and have been acting like one a lot lately. I don't really listen to Mama and Papa unless they have something I want or they raise their voice. I told you, I am a teenager now. I had a great day! I had a party with my toys and got my favorite cake ever. Chicken. Yup, chicken cake. Well Mama said it was chicken cake but, it looked like regular chicken drumsticks to me. She said she went to a special doggie bakery and got this chicken cake for me. I really don't care either way. Chicken is chicken. Anyhow, I got some toys and was spoiled rotten today. Why should this day be any different than all the others???
Here I am with some of the gang. I wasn't willing to share my snacks with all the others so narrowing down the toys that were invited was a tough job. Well, not really. I just picked the toys that don't eat very much.

Mama made me wear a stupid hat too! I hate them! But, I put up with it cuz I got food out of it. Mama should know I am a teenager now and do not like to be embarassed in front of my peeps. At least there were no balloons. I am terrified of balloons.

Didn't Mama realize this stupid hat was cutting off my circulation?

Here I am snacking. That bag was my gift bag. Mama gets me a bag with dogs on it. How silly of her! Wait until her birthday she is getting a bag with humans on it. Actually, at the rate she's going, she'll be lucky if she gets anything!!

Ah....and the reason all the silliness was worth it. BEHOLD....Me and my CHICKEN cake!! They looked suspiciously like regular everyday chicken legs but, who am I to argue???
They lasted all of 3 minutes. I gobbled them up. That's why Mama didn't bother hiring a magician. Nobody can make chicken dissapear like me.


Monday, February 27

It's no Sports Illustrated swimsuit but, still....

Mama is running out of places for our photo shoots. As you can see she now has mounted me on the table. I think the colors in the tablecloth really bring out my eyes. Besides that what a tacky location! I cannot wait until the weather is better so I can go to more exotic locations. I deserve supermodel type shoots. I bet Claudia Schiffer never had to lie on a two dollar plastic flowered thing from the dollar store. I bit my tongue and posed for Mama. One thing she is good at is that there is ALWAYS food on the set. That really inspires me to put up with the crappy working conditions.
Need my beauty sleep for tomorrow's photo shoot. Later peeps!

Sunday, February 26

Where's all the leftovers?

I have been scouring the house all day for leftovers from last night's dinner. Mama gave me a little chicken but, does she really think that is enough for a growing girl??? Notice my food dish is EMPTY in this photo. Someone call the authorities. Mama is starving me. I only had two chicken drumsticks, a treat, a denta bone and a small bit of beef today. Mama must think I am a toy sized chihuahua cuz she is feeding me today like I am one! Surely she must be deranged. I need to eat something. I just heard Papa open a bag of chips.

Later peeps!

Saturday, February 25

Dinner guests!

Papa's business associate and his wife came over for dinner. Mama gave me two chicken thighs before they got here so that I wouldn't be hounding them for scraps. I don't know why she thought that would work. We had a nice time and Mama let me sit at the table on my own stool after dinner so that I felt part of the group.
They were definitely dog people and I was as charming as I always am. They loved me. I was a hit! I loved them too. Especially since they kept dropping crumbs on the floor.

Friday, February 24

Seen any socks?

I'm bored and the weather sucks. Got any socks? I need to occupy my time. Papa usually gives me one of his stinky socks and that makes my day. No socks to be found any where. Well, except for the ones on Mama's feet but, I don't think she would appreciate me nibbling them off with my teeth. Besides, hers aren't as stinky as Papa's.

Thursday, February 23

A new addition to my toybox

Mama bought me yet another new toy. It's a little black poodle wih red hearts on her ears. I think Mama got a Valentine's discount and it was from one of those leftover sales....but, that is ok. Mama had good intentions. At least it has a good home now. I have been licking it and protecting it since it got here. Well except at dinner time when I made it quite clear we do not SHARE meals.

Wednesday, February 22

I am confused

Mama and I used to be like Angelina and Maddox. She used to be with me ALL THE TIME. We were like tweedledee and tweedledum....Mama being the latter of course. Now she is neglecting me. She is always at work and our walks are quick, short and forced.
Mama is like Britney and I am like Sean. Next thing you know she'll be zipping down the highway at 120 km/hr and holding me out the window.
Someone's gotta talk to her!
I have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and now I am.........I am........well, confused.

Don't get me wrong. I sleep all day anyhow and forget she is gone until she comes home and I remember who she is.

Tuesday, February 21

Wanna be a bear

I want to be bear. Don't they hibernate all winter long? That's a good deal. I hate this weather. Brrrr.... You humans have it so easy. You can go to the bathroom inside. My toilet is mother nature. I sometimes face treacherous weather conditions just to relieve myself. Yep, human and bears have it pretty good.
I also want to be a ground hog. Cuz on the day they would ask me if I saw my shadow I would just say yes. Even if I didn't. Then the winter would be shorter. What's one little white lie to get us closer to spring??

Monday, February 20

Me and my peeps

Mama worked today. Papa worked today. Good thing I got my peeps. My stuffed animal peeps. We had a meeting, discussed the rules of the house which I made up since I am the PRESIDENT of the house and the only living breathing fur ball.
We compared ideas on how to get lint balls off our fur and then discussed important issues like snacks and playtime. None of my peeps can actually eat so they don't get any snacks. I get them all.
I think purple poodle was assigned to take minutes so I'll post those whenever she's done.

Sunday, February 19

Leg Thigh or Breast?

I feel like a human male today. I can't decide what I like best. Legs, Thighs or Breasts.

Of course I am thinking in terms of POULTRY.

What were you thinking?

Shame on you! You should know me by now. I only ever have one thing on my mind. And it clucks. Well, not by the time I have it.

Saturday, February 18

I have S.A.D

I think I have S.A.D - The seasonal something depression thing that humans get in the winter time. I am depressed. We went out for a walk today. A couple of them. But, really short ones. I don't get why Mama is such a wuss. So it's cold. My paws hurt from the darn salt that is everywhere and I still want to go for walks! Mama's rationale is that if she is cold then surely I must be cold. Geez. Just like she is tired so I must tired. She is hungry so I must be.....Ok, so I am always hungry. What's your point?

Mama's just lucky she cooked up some delicious chicken thighs for dinner. Otherwise I'd be very upset with her right now.

Friday, February 17


The weekend is here! WOOHOO. That means Mama will be home for a few days and will take me for a good long walk!! We can hang out and cuddle and go visiting and I can help Mama when she is snacking....we don't like to throw away food at our house.
I am so excited!!! I heard Papa say he was going to run in the backyard with me in the snow. Maybe we will even build a snow cat. Yup, a snow cat. You humans build snow men. Us doggies build snow dogs or snow cats. As you know, I am more inclined to choose a cat over a dog. Cats are just so regal and snobbish. Traits that I aspire to be.

Thursday, February 16

Dirty drinking

I have never drank water out of the toilet. Just for the record.
Probably because I can't reach.
I just wanted you to know. Not all dogs care for toilet water. Don't get me wrong....I still like dirty water. Like when after it rains and it's muddy? I drink out of the puddles. Only if Mama happens to be not looking.
But, she watches me like a hawk so it doesn't happen very often.

Wednesday, February 15

Hump Day

Why do humans call Wednesdays "hump" day? The only humps I know about are in that stupid Black Eyed Peas song that Mama was obsessed with a while back. I don't know what it all means but, it sounds rather complicated. I know it's just a few days before the weekend is here and I get to sleep in with Mama and Papa. Don't get me wrong. I sleep in EVERY day's just more fun when I wake up and they are with me.
I love Mama and Papa so much. Especially today. We had chicken drumsticks for dinner and I got my own plate.
Life is good.

Tuesday, February 14


Human traditions are funny to me. Funny strange not, funny ha-ha. You people have all these rituals. Like Valentine's Day for example. I happen to like this one. It involves Love and Kissing and Chocolate. I know, I am not allowed chocolate but, Mama bought me a beef jerky dog treat as a substitute and let me tell you.... it was yummy! I also got a new toy from Mama and Papa for Valentine's Day. It's a stuffed doggie! Here we are getting to know each other. We have so much in common! Well not really. But, I am thrilled because the stuffed dog is not interested in my food bowl. That's good enough reason to keep him around for me! He's cuddly and cute don't you agree?

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Hope you cuddled with your special friend.
Chelsea and my new friend.

Monday, February 13

Lick it up

I am like Mama. Obsessive Compulsive. Except she is more obsessive about stupid stuff like cleaning, putting things in their place (including Papa if needed) and being organized. I am obsessive about my toys, my stuff in general and licking. I am licking all day. I lick my paws, my bed, my bum (Hey you would too if you could reach!) my bed, my toys....and especially Mama. Mama had to spray bitter apple on my bum which is a dog repellant that is non toxic. It is disgusting and it works. I stopped licking my bum. For now. I know you think it is gross but, bums to dogs are like lollipops.

Sunday, February 12

Lazy day

 is cold but, that didn't stop me from running around the backyard like a speed demon. I also went out with Mama. I brought a Valentine gift to my elderly friend and neighbour, Audrey. She was so happy! I wish I could have some but, it's chocolate which is a big no-no for doggies. Audrey gave me a hotdog so that made up for the chocolate. I love hotdogs. I don't even know what chocolate tastes like, I am not allowed to have it. But, it sure smells good. I spent the first half of the day being very busy and the other half sleeping it off. So it was half a lazy day.

Saturday, February 11

We all slept in!

Mama stayed home today! We all slept in until 9! WOOHOO...I love when Mama stays in bed with us. We had a nice day! I got to for a long walk and go visiting. I also got a grilled piece of chicken for dinner. It was yummy in my tummy.

Friday, February 10

It is so Tiring being a doggie

No post yesterday because Mama wouldn't let me write and said it was bedtime. She is tired from working. She thinks I do nothing all day. I resent that! I am a very busy little doggie. I keep the mailman at bay, I chase dust balls, I dig the same spot over and over in the backyard, I go through the laundry basket looking for stinky socks and through all this I have to stop to eat and rest too.
I am tired just writing about it.
I need to lie down.
Someone tell Mama that just because I don't get paid doesn't mean I ain't working!

Wednesday, February 8

Need more kibble!

I have a food dish in the kitchen and another upstairs. You never know when you'll get a snack attack and Mama wants me to be well prepared for one. I have no more kibble in my bowl. Mama has a grocery list she updates all the time but, I cannot reach it. Which wouldn't really make a difference if I could anyhow cuz I can't write with my paw. Typing on the computer comes easily though. Rest assured. This is me writing. Yup. All authentic Chelsea here. Only the best for my readers!

Tuesday, February 7

Mama is lazy

Mama is a lazy bum bum. She won't even take a picture of me today and is going to try and slip by this stupid cartoon instead of my image.
You must protest people! Demand that only my image appear on these pages. Push for a poodle the pic says.

I like posing for photos. Mama says I should be a supermodel dog. I would be a great supermodel except that I love to eat but, hey I only weigh 15 lbs which is a little more than Kate Moss I think so I am not doing too bad.

Monday, February 6

Winter Wonderland

Mama and I went for a long walk today. It was amazing! LOTS of snow. I love snow. It's so soft and squishy and I love to push my nose in it. It's fluffy and wonderful and white....except for when I stop and make it go yellow.

Sunday, February 5


I saw Grandma today! I was so happy. I was shaking. Papa went there to bring her something and took me along. Mama stayed home and cleaned the house. She is always cleaning. You would think she was Portuguese or something. Oh wait...she is. Anyhow, when Papa and I got back Mama took me for a long walk and we went visiting. I had a great day. I am so tired now I need to take a cat nap....Oh, it's just an expression.

Saturday, February 4

My tummy is mad.

My tummy is mad today. It won't stop making growling noises. I am just starving all the time lately. Mind you, the lady Mama and I go visit told me I have my girlish figure back. I was putting on weight before and it seems like I am back to my supermodel self. Well, not that I am a waif but, I am only 15lbs you know. That's pretty slim. I think I could eat my own weight in chicken if given the chance but, nobody will cut me a break.

Friday, February 3

Pee Strike!

This weather is kind of wonky these days. Cold, raining then sunny and snowing. Who the heck knows what one will see when they go out to pee first thing in the morning. Some mornings when it's raining I refuse to go outside. I will hold my pee just because I hate the rain. I love snow and I don't even mind the cold so much but, when it rains and it's windy??? Yuckers!!! I go on a pee strike.

Thursday, February 2

Mama withdrawl

I finally figured out that Mama's got a steady full time job now. She is gone all day. I miss her. I get angry sometimes and mope around. By the time she gets home though I forget and just want to kiss her a million times. She also takes me for a walk the minute she gets home so how can it be a bad thing?
I still miss cuddling with her while we watch Montel Williams but, at least she cuddles with me at night.

Wednesday, February 1

In all fairness to my toys.

I stick my nose in my toy basket really far to dig out a toy I havn't played with in a while. Mama and Papa find it fascinating. Think about it though. I believe in equal opportunity for toys. Why should purple poodle get all the fun and attention when Mr stuffed candy cane has been neglected since last Christmas?

I am so fair and nice. I should be a goodwill ambassador. For toys. And dogs. And some cats. Maybe for children also AND a very few select adults.

No squirrels though. Those dang things drive me nuts. How do they run so fast? Besides, something that can be gone tearing up a tree in seconds doesn't really need my help to survive in this world does it?