Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Friday, March 31

Eat your heart out Tyra Banks

T-Man - did you realize you are dating a supermodel? Just look at this pose. My fixed sultry glaze, my perfectly placed paws, my puckered mouth.....I mean really...even I have to look away or I could be fixated on my own face for hours.

And doesn't the pink just make my chocolate brown eyes come out at you and put you in a trance???

Female dogs (people call them bitches but, I barely know them so don't wanna insult them) Sometimes write me fan mail and ask how I keep my supermodel figure so trim and healthy while managing to scarf down on poultry, chicken weiners, gourmet dogfood and denta bones. I go for regular long walks with Mama and spend lots of time chasing tennis balls with Papa. Works for me.

I have to stop now because I don't want to reveal ALL my beauty secrets at once. You'll have to wait for the book.
YAWN.....Need my beauty sleep. Good night.
Kisses to you T-man!

Thursday, March 30

Rebel with a Cause

I tore up a napkin today. Took it from Papa's chair when he wasn't looking and tore it up. That's right. Don't mess with me. I look small but, I can shred up a napkin like it's nobody's business. I guess I am suffering from separation anxiety. My T-Man so far, far away but, close to my heart.....

I tore up the napkin to get my mind off of my long distance love affair. I also tore it up because I swear it had remnants of barbecue sauce on it.

Wednesday, March 29

I hate TV!

Mama hardly ever watches TV but, she got this new channel where she can watch shows and movies on demand. I guess she was in a demanding kind of mood cuz she watched two shows. I had to sit there too. Bored out of my skull. Really, what a way to spend the night. She took me for a nice walk when she got home from work cuz the weather was fantastic so that was good.

And Mama didn't even share her snacks with me.
That's the worst part of it.

See if I ever share any of my treats with her again. I never do.
But still.

Tuesday, March 28

Mama's driving me nuts!!

Mama has told me I am beautiful about 2,852,742 times since my grooming appointment. I admit...the first 2,352,428 times it was well received but, now it's just getting tiring. I know I am beautiful, she doesn't need to keep saying it. I don't mind if T-Man tells me all the time cuz he's my boyfriend....but, Mama??? She's my Mama ofcourse she thinks I am beautiful. She kisses me a lot too. All the time in fact. See how annoyed I am?

Mama's alright though. She gets up with me at all hours of the night if I am not well. She lets me hog the bed and sleep on her bad shoulder. She makes me dinner and makes sure my bum is always nice and clean. Mama is really nice. I just wish she would stop talking to me in that whiny baby voice she uses. I am not a baby. I am a big girl now. Afterall, I have a boyfriend.
Gonna go read his blog now and catch up with him. I miss him.
Did I mention I have a boyfriend?

Monday, March 27

I'm a bully!

Today was so nice out. Mama took me for a long walk when she got home from work. I got to play with two dogs at the same time at the park. One was a mini schnauzer, same age as me, really sulky and whiny so didn't bother. The other was a 6 month old cockapoo and it was twice my size! The dog kept jumping on me and trying to jump on my back end. It kept sniffing my bum and I finally had enough. I gave him a swat! That's right I smacked him right on the head. He backed off and when he tried it again I gave him a jab to the left ear and an uppercut to the nose.
I never really liked playing with other dogs because I am a people person. I thought these two were ok since they seemed to be more submissive than I am - which is pretty darn incredible.
I put puppy pouncer in his place! Besides, I have a boyfriend now! The nerve!

Sunday, March 26

That'll teach her!!

I have no destructive tendancies. Well until now. I tore up a paper towel roll. So it had hardly any paper left on it but, still. See what a rebel I am! I wanted to make Mama upset for the grooming incident. She walked into the room and laughed. That's right she laughed. She ran and got her camera. She thought it was cute. Later, I dug up an old tennis ball in the backyard. I got all muddy and carried the muddy stinky ball into the house with my mouth. Mama had just washed the floors too. BINGO. I thought that should do it.
Mama just got out some wet naps, cleaned me up and told me if I do it again I have to go back to the groomers to get cleaned up.
Damn that woman.

Anyhow, I think I got the anger outta my system. I really hope T-Man likes my new look. I don't see how he could since I look a heck of a lot like him!

Saturday, March 25


Doesn't it look foggy and creepy??? Well it's an illusion. Mama took this from inside the house and the windows are dirty.
I bet I scared you though didn't I?
Oh, I am a little better today with my hair cut but, still kind of upset. Mama's guilt has definitely kicked in because she took out chicken for dinner! I get the biggest piece!

Friday, March 24


I am not happy with my new look. In fact I refused to snuggle, cuddle, play or even eat when I came home from my appointment. I am even trying to go on a poo protest.
It's not easy cuz I had a big breakfast but, I'm gonna try.

Not impressed.
Hope you like it T-man.
Sheesh, the things we do for love.

Thursday, March 23

Take a good, long gander peeps!

I am getting groomed, clipped, prodded, violated and cleaned tomorrow. ALL in the name of love.
And an itchy bum.

Tune in to see my pretty new do.

Wednesday, March 22

Blogger works for me!

Mama unable to blog. Too many pictures to upload on her crazy celebrity blog. I only upload one, sometimes two so hey, I'm in luck. Or should I say, YOU are in luck. You know you love me.
Speaking of love, Still have a boyfriend and have decided to go get groomed. Actually, I heard Mama making an appointment so really, I have no choice. I suppose it'll be worth it. My boyfriend T-Man will fall in love with me all over again.
In the meantime, was trying to figure out a way to dig a hole in the backyard that will get me to the United States. That's where T-man lives. I doubt Mama or Papa will come with me. And I am a wee spoiled in case you didn't notice so I may just stick around here afterall.
I may be in love, but, hey....I am lazy. And being the pampered little princess that I prince should come to me.

Tuesday, March 21

Flowers for my T-Man

T-man, honey, these are for you. I can't send them to you in the mail because they are flowers. Albeit plastic ones...but, I don't know how to call a courier and arrange all that so you just need to get these through cyber space.
I wanted to get you a little something special. Truth be told, I am starting to chicken out of getting groomed. I love you and all but, I don't think I could go through with it. The clippers, the buzzing of the razor, the other dogs.....I just can't take it.
I think Mama booked the appointment already. I have to get her to change her mind. Maybe SHE'S the one I should be kissing up to with flowers??
I better go find her.
Sorry for being such a chicken.

Speaking of chicken.....What's that smell! YUM!

Monday, March 20

December/May Romance

It seems that my blogging boyfriend T-man is 10 years old. In human years that is 70. I am 2 and in human years 14. Yes, I know you think he may be too old for me but, remember we are just cyber boy/girlfriend. We have never smelled each other's bums. Even so, Lord knows I have smelled my share of doggie's bums and some of them were probably older than my boyfriend T-man.
Besides, us doggies don't bother with age. I know humans have laws and rules and understandably so. But, you see doggies don't have rules. Besides, Hugh Hefner's 80 and he's got three girlfriends who's ages STILL don't add up to his.
Anyhow, seeing as my T-Man lives in the States it'll have to be a long distance relationship. In the meantime, I can cuddle my toys and pretend they are him. Sigh.

Oh! I am getting groomed this week. And for the first time...I'm excited. I want to look my best for T-Man!! I know, shocking since I hate going to the groomers but, I tell ya peeps....this is love. I havn't even mentioned chicken on my blog since I met him over the internet.
What does that tell you????
Boy, I am smitten.
Here's his blog in case you havn't been following our love drama

Sunday, March 19

I got a boyfriend!

Don't tell Mama. Well, she knows about him but, thinks we are just pen pals. His name is T-Man and he is a black poodle just like me! He lives in the United States and he has his very own blog!! His Mama loves him so much that she spoils him. Sound familliar? Yeah, I's destiny! He wrote on my blog, then I on his, then his on mine and now we are friends. Well, I have a crush on him and he thinks I am supercute. We both have overprotective Mamas and so we are just going to be pen pals for now. As far as our Mamas are concerned. T-Man is allowed to go on a date but, his Mama tags along. I am forbidden to date at all. Oh well, like I said he is in the states so we may not be able to see each other but, alas....I can still love him from afar. I tried to pack up some things and see if Mama would let me go to the States - wherever that is....but, I realized I have way too many toys that I simply cannot leave behind. I want them ALL to meet T-Man and I don't think I will meet baggage regulations at the airport if I brought all my stuff along. I have a lot of stuff. Besides, I would miss Mama and Papa too much and ....Mama would sicken herself with worry and possibly never give me a treat ever again. We cannot have this! I love T-Man, but, I gotta draw the line somewhere.

And in case you were wondering. I still have a thing for cats. I guess I am a bi-pet-ual kind of pooch.

Please check out my boyfriend's blog and read about how his Mama adopted him. I love him. I will be checking his blog daily and writing to him. You are welcome to read both our blogs and follow along on our steamy love affair.Sigh.
I have also added him to my blog links on the right side of the page....

Thursday, March 16


Hey peeps!

Vote for me!


Wednesday, March 15

There's No Place Like Home!

Wow! These days I am keeping a low profile. Holy wind! Mama's afraid I may blow away. You know I am very small she could be right. Best to be safe and avoid outdoors. Now my poop schedule all out of whack. Waking Mama up at 4:30 am to poop now. Two nights in a row. She thinks it's a rude awakening. How the heck does she think I feel? She needs to poop she just goes in the comfort of indoors and can even read and relax while she does her poop. I cannot! I need help! I need to be escorted and have no privacy and go in the cold wind. BRRRR! Mama has NO idea what a true rude awakening is!

Tuesday, March 14

Damn blogger!

The picture upload doesn't seem to be working today so you won't be graced with my beautiful face today. Funny how Mama's blog seemed to work! She hogs the computer for an hour or two a night and by the time I do my blog the computer is tired!

Not fair.

Monday, March 13

Window watching

I like to watch people in the window. I do this a lot. Sometimes I bark and sometimes I just sit and stare at them. Humans are silly beings. What can I say? I am easily amused.

Sunday, March 12

Sunny days, sunny, sunny, sunny days.......

Another great day. I got to stay out front tied to the tree while Papa raked up the leaves. I love being outside when it is so nice! Went for a long walk with Mama. Lots of doggies out with their Mamas. We all said hello and smelled each others bums. Some are stinkier than others. Let's leave it at that.
Mama bought me a new green ball that jingles. LOVE IT. Auntie Arifa got me a red one for xmas and it was my favorite gift.
I am obsessed with my new purple lamb Mama brought home on Friday. It makes squeaky noises and I lick it and protect it like a baby sister. In fact before our walk today, I made Mama bring it along. I am very protective of it. Must be my maternal instincts even though I am fixed. Here's a question - can you still have maternal instincts even though you're fixed?

Saturday, March 11

Queen of my domain

YAY!!! Nice weather!!!! Did I say YAY??? YAY!! First thing I did this morning was hop on top of the picnic table. Something I havn't done since around late September. I love it up here when the sun is shining. I am a sun goddess. Soak it up I say! I feel like I am top of the world up on the table. QUEEN of my domain. Princess of the picnic table. Goddess of the grass.

Ah.......long walk coming my way today!! AND...Is that chicken for dinner?
Life is SO great!

Friday, March 10

Hangin' out with Papa

I played with Papa a lot. He is fun and always plays with me. Mama feeds me, walks me, nurtures me and guides me through life. Papa plays with me. Thankfully! Mama is not the playful type. She throws the ball once or twice then gets bored. I must of got Papa's playful genetics.
Although, you only see Papa's arm cuz Papa doesn't like to be photographed. Mama however, not only agrees to it, she poses. That's where me and Mama got the same genetics. We love the camera.

Thursday, March 9

Career plans

So I've been thinking. Now that I am 2 maybe I should get a career or something. You know, help out around here. I just don't know what to pursue. Too bad this blog wasn't raking in the cash or I'd be set. Not many comments but, I get lots of hits. Seems people really do care what I think and how I pass my time.
Maybe I will ask Mama to type up my memoirs or a how to book. You know, something like HOW TO DO NOTHING BUT, LOOK BUSY. Or did George Costanza of Seinfeld have the market on that book already?
I'll think of something.
I'm surprised PURINA or some other dog food company has scooped up my face for their promo ads by now. I am a great model and my face...don't get me started. I can't even look at myself for too long. Yes, I am that cute.

Wednesday, March 8


Nevermind my hall monitor idea from yesterday. Halls are boring. Nothing ever happens. Besides, the pay isn't as great as I thought.

Tuesday, March 7

Hall Monitor

Mama works for the school board and I hear her talking about work sometimes with Papa. She said once they have hall monitors at the schools. I could be a hall monitor! I have super hearing powers as most poodles do (That's why we are the most common dogs used as a HEARING aid dog)
Anyhow, I have been practising my hall monitor duties to try and get a job with Mama. She works at head office but, maybe I could work in that hallway. The one closest to Mama's desk.
That way I could eat her lunch at lunch time.
Um, I mean...have lunch with her.
Yeah, that's it.

Monday, March 6

Quiet around here

Quiet night. Mama busy blogging about silly Oscar crap. Speaking of crap that is not a turd on my playroom carpet. It is a nyla bone I got sick of chewing on. Looks like a turd though doesn't it??? HA HA Wait until Mama sees it. She is going to scream in horror, probably yell my name out in anger and then once she realizes it's my nyla bone she will feel bad for yelling and get a major guilt trip. I am a proper poodle who knows the washroom is outside. Mama will realize this and reward me.


Sunday, March 5

Where is MY Oscar?

I am more deserving of an 'OSCAR' Than any of the people who won one tonight. I mean isn't it an acknowlegement for being a good actress?
I am a GREAT actress.
I should get my own Oscar for these reasons:
1) No matter how crappy it is outside I am always a little ball of fun
2) Sometimes Mama lets kids pet me who don't know how to pet me and I pretend to be amused and stuff when really I want to nip them so that they see how it hurts but, I can't so I don't.
3) Sometimes people pretend to like dogs and they really don't. I can see right through them but, I jump all over them and make them welcome anyways.
4) Sometimes Mama's cooking is not the best but, hey I never bite the hand that feeds me so I gobble it up and lick my chops like it was the best darn thing that has ever slid down my esophagus.
Convinced yet? I will win an Oscar one of these days! In fact, I am practising my exceptance speech at this very moment.

Saturday, March 4


Mama says she should of named me Snoopy. I am nosy and always need to know what's going on, who's who, what the noise was, what's for dinner, what's in all the bags Mama just brought home.

I am just curious. Not a snoop. Big difference. If I was a nosy little snoop my blog would be about something nosy and snoopy. Like celebrity gossip for example.

Friday, March 3

Oh weather man!!

Mr Weather man,

If you are reading this I have a plea for you. Sometimes I see you in the morning on Breakfast Television. Usually I don't pay attention because I am trying to sucker Mama into giving me some cereal.
I feel that I need to go to you out of desperation. Please, please oh please make the weather nice enough so that Mama and I can go on longer walks. I have only been going on these mini jaunts and I don't like them.
They aren't doing to much for my regularity either if you get my meaning.

Help me out will ya??
Have a good prediction tomorrow Mr Weather man and this right!!!



Thursday, March 2

Doing what I do best

Here I am in my prime. Can't see me? Look for my white teeth chomping down on a snack. Most people would not like a picture of them being taken while they were eating. I am proud of it. I love to eat and am not ashamed of my saliva dripping mouth devouring a nice piece of anything.

Wednesday, March 1

No more chicken cake??

I don't understand why I can't have chicken cake EVERYday. I am concerned. Why the one big hoopla day for my birthday? I was depressed today. I was expecting another party with my peeps and more chicken and more chicken cake. I don't get why I have to wait a whole year for more.

Oh...false alarm. I just saw Mama take out some chicken for dinner!
The world is a wonderful place again.