Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Thursday, August 31

She loves me....yah, yah, yah.

Mama and I cuddle a lot and we are both very affectionate with each other. Here we are cuddling just before I started to dictate my blog to her. This is how we spend a typical evening.

Then I kiss Mama.

Then she kisses me back.

Then I kiss Mama again. (Maybe this time she'll sneak me a treat?)

Then she kisses me back. I am lucky to have a nice Mama who loves me dearly and lets me do whatever I darn well please. Life is good.

Tuesday, August 29

Stinky farty farts

Boy I stink. I have had some nasty gas today. Mama calls them farty-farts. They smell bad but, I don't even flinch. Everyone else in the room does though. That's why I enjoy being a dog. We don't have flatulence hang ups. Nature calls and we deliver. I make no apologies. If I gotta pass wind I let it blow baby! I pity the fool that is in the line of fire.

Monday, August 28

Casting Call!

I've decided the mail man is useless. Well, I thought that before but, now I really think it!! No scripts or movie offers or anything have come rolling in since I've been with the dogs with blogs network so I have decided to take matters into my own paws. I am going to direct my own movie! I am currently casting for characters. The movie will be about my own life. As always, I am the star. I just need a few wretched looking pets to be my sidekicks. No pretty pooches need apply since I don't to distract the audience from my natural beauty.
No leading men need apply. I already have one. My T-Man. Sigh.

Sunday, August 27

This should do it!

No movie offers yet. I decided to post this photo of my ample booty. That might spark some director's interest.
Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Friday, August 25

Lights, Camera......Where's the action?

I didn't get any movie offers in the mail today. Maybe they are coming Monday? Or maybe that wimpy mailman backed off today when he heard me barking. Oh well, I got the lights, got the camera all I need now is some action.
So any directors or influencial Hollywood folk reading this - I am available for promos and feature films. You better scoop me up now while I am still willing to settle for a million. A million dog treats that is.

Thursday, August 24

I'm waiting....

I'm waiting at the door for the mailman. I am hoping to scare the crap out of him like I always do but, also I am really excited about the mail coming. I just know a movie script or something is on it's way. I can feel it. Now that I am famous on the dogs with blogs network - I am surely seconds away from being discovered.
If you havn't discovered this wonderful network yet....check me out!

Wednesday, August 23

I'm gonna be a star!

I am famous. Almost. I have been added to a website called DOGS WITH BLOGS. Me and several other dogs are part of this international network. So is my boyfriend T-Man. I am so thrilled because you know how these things work. First my own blog, then a website, next thing you know the movie offers will be flooding in. I also am very photogenic as you can see so I can do magazine work and photo shoots. I just know that DOGGIES ILLUSTRATED will want me as their cover girl. Before I know it PLAYPUPPY will be knocking at my door negotiating the price to have moi as their centrefold.
Better get autographs now peeps before I get so famous that my paw hurts from waving to the paparrazzi and I am not able to sign anything. Maybe I'll hire someone to do that for me. Hmm...should get Mama to write this stuff down. Mama is so happy too. She says she is proud of me and wants me to be a celebrity! Between you and me I think she finds comfort in knowing she is not the only kook who has a blog for her dog.

Check it out now before it gets so many millions of hits that the server goes down forever!!!

Tuesday, August 22

I'm panting!!

I am panting non stop. For those of you who are real dog lovers, you would know that means a few things. I am either hot, stressed or not feeling well. I feel fine. And yes, I am hot but, only in the supermodel sense as the weather was comfortable today. So what's up you ask? I am stressed peeps. You see, for the last day or so other female dogs have been visiting my boyfriend T-Man's blog. They seem nice but, I am going to be on guard! They live in the United States and so does my man! That means they are closer to him than I am. What if they read his blog and figure out the parks he goes to or pick up his scent and track him down??? I know, I know...a poodle as beautiful as I should not be worried but, these female dogs cannot be trusted. You know that's why they call em "bitches"
I'm just saying.....

Monday, August 21

Let me In!

You already know by now that I am not just any dog. I am a special dog. I am practically a person. People wouldn't know I was a canine if it weren't for my four legs and hyper tail. I hardly ever bark. Only if somebody comes to the door like the mailman (grrrr....I'll get him!) or the paper boy (I like him! I only bark cuz I wanna lick him!) or maybe I'll bark if someone walks in front of the house. I need to protect my peeps. So otherwise, I hardly bark. If I want to go pee I stand by the door. I don't make a sound. I don't really need to. I am rarely out of Mama or Papa's sight for very long. They always find me very fast and let me out. No need to bark. Sometimes though, I go out and I wait at the door to come back in. I am never out there very long but, still...I am thinking of getting a little bell just to keep them on their toes.
A princess should never ever be kept waiting! They should just be kept.

Sunday, August 20

I am cool

I am loving this cooler weather. The heat is not really for me. If you heard rumors I was a hot poodle it's because I am quite stunning in my looks....believe me...I am not a summer loving dog.
The weather is cooling down and I am relishing this! Mama didn't even have to carry me for my walk today. I walked the whole way myself! (Or maybe I just forgot to pretend I was tired so she would carry me?)
I hope the weather stays like this forever.

Thursday, August 17

Kennel Inn

I am tired today. I spent most of my day in my kennel. I like to go in there when I am bored, tired or my ears hurt. Why would my ears hurt you wonder? Mama talks really loud and gets all excited when she talks to Papa and that irritates me sometimes. Well, most of the time - to be truthful her loudness irritates me but, she is my Mama and I can't trade her in.
Or can I?
I never ever would. Nobody would spoil me like she does. I know when I got it good. That's why I don't understand why Mama won't let me off leash anywhere. Where does she think I'm gonna go? I would never run away. Not as long as I have a place in the big bed, the dinner table and in Mama's heart.

Wednesday, August 16

Mama's really really really old in dog years

Today Mama had a birthday. I don't know how old she is but, I do know that in dog years she is ancient. Like, King Tut ancient. Whatever embalming fluid she uses works really well. Papa was very generous as usual and so was I. I used all of my poodle points at the BAY and got Mama one of her favorite perfumes. She loved it and kissed me all over my face. Papa went to the store and got it though cuz I can't reach the cosmetic counter. Then again I don't want to make the human women feel insecure by showing up at the beauty section of the store. They would all want to know my secrets and they are just going to have to wait until the book comes out.

Anyways, Happy Birthday Mama!!

Tuesday, August 15

I miss them!

I am sad these days. I told you that my doggie cousins came over for a sleepover for a few days right? Well, I was a bit put off by having to share my toys, treats and bed but, I was a really good sport about it. One thing I was NOT willing to share was Mama's affection and attention. I was nice for the first two days but, the third day I lost it! I was very depressed and just wanted the free loaders to go home! But, to my surprise....once they left I went into a greater depression.

I miss us hanging out and watching television! Mama put cartoons on for us every morning.

We all lay on the couch and cleaned our bums, licked our paws and then waited for Papa to get up.

Jessie is a year older than me and we got along great. She is an alpha dog and I am submissive so we really didn't bother with each other too much. Jessie likes to bark so once in a while I would bark too. I don't know why. I just felt that I should. She must of had her reasons. Poor Jessie - her brother Jake likes to bug her a lot and I don' she likes me. Jessie really liked Papa too. She gave him lots of kisses. (I don't think he knew she had just finished cleaning her bum.)

As for Jake....he thought Mama was his mom cuz they look a-like and talk a-like. He was Mama's shadow and followed her everywhere. She went in the house, Jake went in the house, Mama went to the toilet, Jake went in too, Mama went to lie down, Jake lay on top of her. I tell you....if this guy wasn't my cousin.....I'd, I'd, I'd.....well, I'd give him a swift upper paw to the jaw. He's kind of cute though for a big white annoying fluff ball. I was really jealous of him but, I miss him slopping his water and wiggling his bum when he walks. (Don't tell him I miss him!)

So the question is? NOW WHAT DO I DO??? Mama and Papa are wonderful but, they can't run around the backyard at 100 miles per hour. At least not that I know of. It's way too late to train them how anyways.

Jessie and Jake... miss ya peeps!

Sunday, August 13

I've got a REALLY good explanation!

I havn't been around....I know. I've been really busy! Mama too...that's why I couldn't blog. You see my doggie cousins were here for a few days cuz my Aunt had stuff to do. Mama and Papa were not only responsible for me but, two other dogs! One of my human cousins came by one day and we all played soccer. It was fun.

We all ran around so fast until we couldn't breathe anymore and my human cousin played with us for a long time!

This is my doggie cousing Jake. A big, furry, white blur. He was running so fast. Mind you he still looks like a big, furry, white blur when he stands still if you want my opinion...

My human cousin Samantha is a really good soccer player. Almost as good as me. (And that's pretty good if I do say so myself)

My doggie cousin Jessie could never get the ball because her brother Jake kept hogging it. Little brothers can be such a pain!

I had enough after a while. I don't want to excercise too much and lose my girlish figure.

Jake chewed on everything that wasn't nailed down. (And I thought I had a big appetite!)

Jake being the little brother, likes to terrorize his older sister Jessie by biting her ears and her bum until she gets really mad. Then they fight. It looks like a real duel! At this point ofcourse I either lay down really far away and watched out of curiosity or I ran in the house. Depending on my mood.

Here we are...all running to the house. Mama must of mentioned the word TREAT.

We are just standing around here trying to figure out if we need to poop or not. I had so much fun. I was the hostess with the mostess.


Monday, August 7

Low Profile

Sorry I havn't been writing peeps. It's been too hot and I've been busy. Playing with socks, eating chicken, being charming and sleeping every chance I get.
My paws were hot from pounding the cement so I couldn't type my blog. Mama is a drill seargent making me walk in this heat! I keep sitting down and she keeps trying to get me to walk. She has come up with a new thing to get me up without actually carrying me. She pretends to see someone we know. She yells out "Hi! How are you? Chelsea and I havn't seen you in a while!"
Ofcourse I pop up with excitement everytime wondering who it could be. I fall for it everytime and start walking until I get too tired again and then she goes through the whole routine again....and I fall for it again.
Or do I??
Mama looks like a complete fool talking to an invisible person. It makes people stop and stare shaking their heads. Everyone in the neighbourhood thinks Mama is a nut.
Shhh.....don't tell her I do it on purpose.