My bum bum is itchy!

So I went to get groomed today. It was brutal! Mama brought me in at 9:30am and the monster with the clippers told her that she was very busy today and mama had to pick me up at 4pm!! I wasn't having it. I caused a big commotion and started crying. Mama was telling me it was ok. I guess Mama has never had anyone poking around her bum bum with scissors and clippers!! Mama tried to hand me over to the groomer and I dug my paws into mama's shoulders. No way am I staying here for a whole day when I know mama just bought fresh drumsticks! Mama reluctantly handed me over and the monster groomer put me in a cage and closed the gate! What is this?? I WAILED for mama and mama looked sad but, left!! There were all these other poodles in the shop also in various stages of bathing or shaving. The lot of them looked like fools!!! I continued to whine after mama left but, everyone ignored me so I went to sleep in my prison cell. I woke up to the monster groomer lady taking me out of the cell and getting me ready to bathe. The bathing part I really like. It is fun! Then she put me on the dreaded table. The grooming table to us dogs is what the pap test table is to women. We absolutely hate it even though we know it is important for our well being. It actually in fact is rather degrading. Snip here , razor there, cut over there and some OOPSIES along the way. Ouch. Anyhow, they cut my hair really short and nicked my bum bum. My bum bum was itchy and sore all day!
Mama finally showed up at 4pm to pick me up. I cried when I heard her come in. She picked me up and tried to kiss me. I wasn't having it! I turned away and shunned her. Mama paid and asked the lady how I was. The lady said fine. I nudged my mama's arm hard. That damn groomer lady is a liar! I was cowering and shaking .....you call that fine??
Anyhow, we left and mama kept trying to kiss me the whole way home. I would of scratched her eyes out but, my nails are now too short!
Papa was driving and asked me for a kiss. He got a whole bunch! After all, he is not the one who brought me into that dreadful place!
We got home and I completely ignored mama.......that is until she got out the treats! YES! Guilt kicked in!
Mama took me for a long walk but, my bum bum was so itchy I kept rubbing it in the grass. She had to carry me the whole way. If you ask me it was the very least she could do after the day I had!
Anyhow, got chicken out of the deal and some macaroni when I got home. Not quite worth my torment but, I plan on playing on mama's guilt for a little while anyhow.
My bum bum is sore so I am going to bed - right after I figure out how to use the phone and schedule a full bikini wax for mama.
Revenge is best served cold.