Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Thursday, November 30

Vanity will get her nowhere

Mama spends so much time in the bathroom. (And not just because she's trying some new cleanse) She takes forever to get ready. She goes under that water spout in the bathroom for what seems like eternity. Then she puts cream all over herself (which I love licking off cuz it tastes so good) then she fusses with her hair forever.
And people think I am the ego maniac.
Go figure.
During the week I understand - she goes to work and can't be all stinky when she gets there but, she is even worse on the weekends! I wait ages for her sometimes. She really needs to get over herself.
My walks are about me. Not her. What does she think we are going to run into Brad Pitt on our route? Give it up woman! Throw on a pair of track pants and put your fuzzy head in a clip already!

Wednesday, November 29

Poopie team work

Now that it's so much darker when Mama takes me for my walk, Mama and I realized we must come up with a new method to stooping for my poop. You see being a small dog, I have small poop. Small but, potent. Anyhow, Mama sometimes can't find it in the dark and she has resorted to pretending to pick up something (in case anyone is looking) - so she ends up just carrying a bag of leaves around until she can dispose of them.
I have decided to help do my part to protect the envoirment and not leave my stinkies lying around. What I do is just when I start to poopie, I look back at Mama and give her the queue. Mama gets the poop bag ready in her hand like a catcher's mitt and she simply opens up the bag so that my poop lands inside of it. Voila! No mess and no worries of some unsuspecting person walking in it.
Mama says I am a good girl for caring about the envoirment. Truth be known, I am just worried someone may pick up my poop and try to sell it on E-Bay. You wouldn't believe how many demented people would try and make money off a famous supermodel. They probably want my saliva too. Sickos.

Tuesday, November 28

Mama's well trained

My Mama sent some of the Christmas cards off yesterday. She still has some to send but, needs to buy more stamps. She will go get them soon. She knows how important the Christmas card exchange is to me and she has given it number one priority. Mama would do anything for me.

Yep, the woman is whipped.
Got her under my paw.

Monday, November 27

Four cards today!

I got four Christmas cards today! Woohoo. I can't wait to get more. This means I have lots of friends in blog land and it also means I may get a chance at the mailman's fingers when he slips those envelopes into our mail slot. I can hardly contain my excitement.
So, a big THANK YOU and a shout out to my buddies
Simba, Butchy and Snickers, Dory and Isabella!!!!!
My card is on the way folks. (Mama bought a whole bunch of stamps and mailed them out but, she didn't buy enough stamps so some of our cards may arrive later than others.)
I can't wait to get more. BRING IT ON!

Sunday, November 26

Play date!

My doggie cousins Jake and Jessie came over this weekend! We had so much fun and barked our heads off. Mama took the three of us for a walk and nearly got knocked over when a squirrel crossed our paths. I don't care for squirrels but, my cousins sure do. They pulled the leash so hard! It was funny. Here they are relaxing after our walk.

Here are Jessie and I waiting for Jessie's mom to come back. I love Jessie's mom, she is my favorite Aunt. I literally cry when I see her!

Hee I am with Jake. There is a room at the top of these stairs that Mama keeps water and food in for me just in case I need a snack when I am on the top floor. Jake quickly discovers the room everytime he is over and EATS all my food!

Here I am keeping an eye on him.

It's hard to be mad at him for very long cuz he's so cute.

Thursday, November 23

Mama is weird

Mama went to get groomed today. She's weird. She loves going to get groomed. She came home with nice nails and pretty toes and two eyebrows. (She left the house with one)
Anyhow, I looked around for her all night and couldn't find her. Then when she came home I gave her lots of kisses. I worry about her when she is not with me.
And she tells everyone she takes care of me. Hmpffft!

Wednesday, November 22

Sitting Pretty

I am restless. I don't know if I feel like playing with my toys or just napping all day. Maybe I'll go stalk Mama until she gives in and gives me another treat.
That's where the expression "work like a dog" came from folks.
It may look easy but, it ain't.

Tuesday, November 21

Not in the mood

I was not in the mood for posing today. Good thing I didn't have a real photo shoot. Just the nightly one with Mama to get the money shot for my blog. I don't know how she expects me to be photogenic every day. I know I am a supermodel but, Mama's getting these photos gratis so what does she expect? Normally I don't get out of bed for anything less than $250, 000 a day. Ok, not really true but, most supermodels think that way. Maybe I should too! I know Naomi Campbell does but, then again - she's beat up her assistant, her manager and her maid.

And I just couldn't do that to Mama.

Monday, November 20

The wanderer

Some days I wander around the house aimlessly. This was one of them. Mama couldn't figure out what I wanted. She followed me around and kept asking me what was wrong.
Truth is - nothing was wrong. I just love how she follows me around like that. Ironically, like a puppy dog. I can get her to do anything I want. She's wrapped around my paw!
The things I must resort to in order to entertain myself.....sheesh!

Saturday, November 18

Please Please vote for me!

Hey Peeps!
I've been nominated forDog's with Blog's photograph of the month award. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE vote for me! To vote, go here (You have to be registered and logged into the Dogs with blogs Bone Zone forum in order to vote.)
Our friend Buster is nominated for blog of the month please go vote for him also. (Thankfully we are not competing for photo of the month however, my good friend Sunshade is one of my fellow nominees. (Good luck to us both darling)

I am begging, heck, I am grovelling....I am a supermodel. My career is depending on this! I will be forever grateful.
Speaking of grateful, thanks to my wonderfully romantic boyfriend T-Man for nominating me. This is not the photo I was nominated for it, if you wanna see it you simply must go to the link, login and VOTE !
Please note I am willing to bribe with treats. I got plenty of them!

Friday, November 17

Beauty sleep

I am going to make this a short post. First of all I have a photo shoot tomorrow for my Christmas cards and secondly, my paws are still sore from my groomer...the hacker who cut my nails a tad too short yesterday. (Even though Mama and Papa think she did a fine job)
Night peeps! I am off to get some beauty sleep - not that I need it.

Thursday, November 16

I feel pretty

I feel pretty....oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and gay
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today

I got groomed today. Mama and Papa have been gushing all over me the whole day. Telling me how pretty I am.

Tell me something I don't know.

I am ready for my photo shoot tomorrow. For my Christmas card photos. I can hardly wait!

Tuesday, November 14

Waiting patiently

I know it's still early, but, I am anxiously awaiting my Christmas cards. I joined the dogs with blogs christmas card exchange. I have so many friends I have met on this network and am thoroughly excited! Mama has scheduled a grooming appointment for me this week (Darn it) but, I must grin and bear it. I have a fashion shoot with Mama on Friday. She is going to take photos of me for our Christmas card.
Am I cutting down on treats to look svelte for the photos?
No way.
I may be a supermodel but, trust me....I ain't stupid.
Besides, my boyfriend T-Man doesn't like twigs, he prefers his poodles shapely and healthy.

Monday, November 13

Doggie elections

Mama went and voted today. Some humans running for various political positions. I don't know much about it...but, it got me thinking. We doggies should have an election. You know, important doggie issues that we face daily. For example voting for the best behaved pooch. How about a vote for the doggie with the best smelling poop? Or the doggie with the most stories of demolishing their humans shoes to a fine pulp? I say we also vote for the most adorable dog. Which really isn't a fair one cuz, let's face it peeps....I'd win.

Sunday, November 12

Playing with myself

Mama and Papa were busy all day so I spent the whole day playing with myself.

Really, people what did you think I meant??
Sick, sick minds.

Friday, November 10

Eye on the Prize

This is me lying down with my stuffed peep purple poodle. That yellow glowing thing is my eye.
I got my eye out for Christmas cards. Mama signed us up for the Christmas Card Exchange so anytime now Christmas cards will be rolling in to me. I am very excited about this for the following reasons.
1) I will get a card from my boyfriend T-Man and anything to do with him excites me,
2) All my wonderful friends in doggie blog land will send me lovely cards from all over the world.
3) This guarantees MANY MANY trips from that pathetic excuse for a mailman who is - by the way, the only human I detest. The nerve of him coming to the door almost every day, opening the door and throwing paper through the door slot. No hello. No belly rub. No treats.
I'll get him. One day. I'll get him.

Thursday, November 9

The art of Begging

Most dogs flail their paws or jump up on their hind legs to beg for food. I don't bother with those petty actions. I have my own methods. I like to lie really flat and just stare at Mama until she caves. I put on a sulky face and lower my eyelids just so...and although Mama tries to resist my charms - she simply cannot.
The extremely rare times where Mama does ignore me. (Well, she pretends to but, let's face it...I am the real actress in the family) It's times like these I must go to extremes. I stalk Mama while she is eating and do not leave her side. I make it very uncomfortable for her to enjoy her food. I lean heavily on her wrists or walk right across her stomach or try to block the plate from her reach. Works like a charm.
The lengths a girl will go to for a bite of chicken. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 8

Walking the walk

Since Mama is camera happy with me these days I decided to practice my fashion show walk. A supermodel can never be unprepared. Purina or one of those big fancy dog companies could be calling me any minute to do a photo shoot or guest appearance. I practiced my model walk all day today. Luckily Mama doesn't make me balance a book on my head.
Lots of people tell Mama I have a very prestige walk. I was born with it to be honest but, I still make an effort to perfect it.
After all, the only thing missing from a catwalk is a dog.

Tuesday, November 7

A day in the life of a supermodel

Mama takes pictures of me all the time. Some for the blog, some for my supermodel portfolio. This picture is accentuating my lovely supermodel form. I somehow manage to keep this firm yet bodacious shape by eating whatever I want. Or should I say whatever Mama allows me. Most doggie owners would have to take 25 shots before coming up with a keeper. I always get it on the first try. I am a great poser. I have to be. It's my job!

Here's a close up. Didn't want to post this first and overwhelm you people with my beauty. Then all the writing thereafter would be a blotchy blurb of meaningless letters.
I think this is what human folk call "The Money Shot"

Monday, November 6

Amongst friends

I hung out today with my stuffed peeps. I almost blend right in with them don't I? We ran around the living room, I beat some of them up and then we all got tired and lay down.
Just an ordinary day!

Thursday, November 2

My schedules out of whack!

Normally Papa works from home but, for the last couple of days he has been going to learning seminars so I have been left alone all day except for when Mama comes home at lunch to let me outside. I don't like being alone. I don't tear stuff up or destroy anything....I pretty much just sleep all day. (Mama knows because everytime she comes home I am yawning)
It just isn't the same with out the human companionship.
I don't like it.
And now my schedule is all out of whack. I only pooped once today instead of my normal two times. I am doing it on purpose though cuz Mama is obsessed with how many times a day I poop. So if I can hold it in and only go once, she will have to take notice and make Papa stop going to these seminars!

Wednesday, November 1

Where are the kids?

I waited by the door all day today and no kids came. There were some last night! Mama gave them candy and pretended to be interested in their costumes.
I guess that weird human tradition only happens once a year.
Those orange things are still everywhere. Two of them are on our porch!
Maybe they ate the children??