Memoirs Of A Spoiled Poodle

Chelsea the canine supermodel shares her daily diary with you. SIT. STAY. GOOD BLOG!

Wednesday, January 31

The best - the very best sucky face ever

I save this face for desperate measures. (In no particular order)
1) When I want a piece of something I shouldn't have.
2)When I just went for a walk but, want to go back outside to lick the barbecue. (Hey you never know, you could find meat scraps on that thing!)
3) When Mama's excercising and not paying attention to me.
4) ANYTHING that Mama or Papa do that involves not paying attention to ME.
5) When I want to go to bed but, I don't want to go alone
6) When I know there is leftover chicken in the fridge
7) When I need a tummy rub.
8) When I beg Mama to let me go on a plane to see my T-Man.
9) When I just get back from grooming and want Mama and Papa to feel guilty and give me a treat. Yes, another treat! (People, we get poked, prodded and's the least you can do)
10) For no apparent reason at all. Just because it makes Mama's heart melt.

Tuesday, January 30

I make Mama's day

Mama told Papa she had a really bad day at work today. She also said the minute she took me for a walk after work I made her forget all about it.
I ran through the snow and loved making crunchy noises. It wasn't even cold today but, it snowed a lot and I love the snow!
When Mama saw how happy I was and my little nose was covered in snow when I looked up at her she immediately became elated with joy.

And people think us dogs do nothing all day!

Monday, January 29

Just chillin'

I've been busy peeps. Well, not really.
Mama's been busy so my blog had to suffer.
How fair is that?
Mama's been out, running errands, going bowling with her friends, she went hunting for food on the weekend and she's been busy with that damn Turbo Jam.
I am still trying unsuccessfully to get her to trip on one of my toys while she's jumping around sweating and panting in a very unbecoming fashion.

That's the view from down here anyhow.

Thursday, January 25


Boo sent us a postcard today! Boo entered Mama and I in a contest to go to Singapore! Mama is excited and wants to win. Papa says I am not allowed to leave the country with Mama but, she is welcome to go on a trip.
Papa is a party pooper.
I was hoping to get on the plane and get dropped off in the States to sneak a visit with my boyfriend T-Man.
Papa probably knows that. It's like Romeo and Juliet....drawn apart by our overprotective parents. Sigh.

Tuesday, January 23

Damn that turbo jam!!!

Mama got Turbo Jam for Christmas. It was from me apparently. It's an excercise video that combines Tae Bo, Kick boxing, Tae Kwon Do and a bit of Tai Chi. Mama is obsessed with it. She does it almost every day. She comes home from work, takes me for a walk and then she starts to "jam". I have tried everything to get her attention while she is jumping around like a mexican jumping bean. I have brought her toys at her feet, pushed tennis balls to her with my nose and I even try lying on her tummy while she is doing sit ups. She gets upset and tells me to go away. I don't understand! I want to play with my Mama!! I don't understand why I can't jam with her?
Anyhow, I find it very upsetting. She should be dedicating her time to me. Me, me and only me!
I have to find a way to get to that DVD and dispose of it. Search and destroy....that's my new mission!

Monday, January 22

The eyes have it

My aunt (Jessie and Jake's mama) says that my eyes remind her of the song, "A Total Eclipse of the heart" It's from the 80's so that means my aunt is pretty old in dog years. In fact she may be a figure engulfed in embalming fluid for all I know..
Anyhow, the song goes, "Turn around....bright eyes, Turn around bright eyes"
And apparently in the video for the song has a bunch of school boys in it with glowing eyes.

Now, here I am....

A total Eclipse of the heart - Chelsea's version
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I want a chewy treat
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little excited when there's someone new to meet
Turn around
Every now and then I know I am the apple of Mama's eye
Turn around
Every now and then I am denied food but, I still try
A total collection of farts...I mean a total eclipse of the heart.....Once again, my bright eyes.

Sunday, January 21

Scrounging for crumbs...

We had lots of company this weekend which means lots of food. I spent the good part of the day scrounging the premises for crumbs. Mama had already been through said areas with the sucking machine appliance.
Darn it.
I gave her my very best, "I lost my best friend and am starving to death" look and she caved in and let me have some left overs.
I still got it folks....

Thursday, January 18

It's not easy...

It's not easy being a supermodel. Sometimes I just want to be a regular dog and run and play. I was playing with my ball today and Mama kept telling me to stop and pose so that she could take a picture.
Lucky for her I am very photogenic and don't even need a hair or make up person since I am naturally glowing and beautiful.
It is very irritating sometimes though. Supermodels need fun and leisure time too. Ok, so I slept 12 hours today but, still......that doesn't count because I cannot play in my sleep.

Wednesday, January 17

Poodle security

Miss Sunshade was lovely enough to send me a sign that says POODLE SECURITY along with her Christmas card from the exchange. It was very fitting because I am a great guard dog. I bark at people walking by, I keep on alert for Mama to come home from work, I let Mama know when Papa is home from hockey and I love to scare the bajeebers out of the mail man. (Who no longer puts the mail through the slot, he leaves it in between the front door and screen door) I bark the most for the paper boy but, that's only because he lives up the street and I really like him! Mama opens the door when I am barking at him and then I run to the door and cover the paper boy in kisses.
I tell ya, I could lick someone to death!

Tuesday, January 16

Let's talk food!

Mama is making me ask you guys to tell her what you eat. Mama is starting to get concerned she is slowly killing me with kindness. I eat chicken (Cooked but, plain) a few times a week, sometimes I get a plain hotdog (Very rare) I eat a small tin of moist dogfood most days - if I am in the mood. Also I eat dry kibble here and there if the humans don't give in and give me human food. Mama's heard of the raw food diet but, is afraid to try it. So the woman is asking you all to let her know what you guys eat or if you know if chicken is bad for dogs. Mama cannot find consistent information on the internet. The vet says chicken once in a while is ok as long as I eat my own food. Mama trusts you guys since you all have such loving owners.

p.s PLEASE PLEASE say cookies and treats....I have a feeling she is serious about this. Darn, better eat my chicken while I can!

Monday, January 15

What's a golden globe?

Mama's watching some award show called the Golden Globes. I am watching it with her but, I don't get it. So I will tell you my take on it and Mama is going to help me out by telling you who I am referring to. Some lady who looks like she is sucking lemons (Renee Zellweger) is presenting an award. Meanwhile, Mama keeps sh-ing everyone who talks when they show a certain couple. And she is doing this a lot because the camera man seems to love them. (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)
Anyhow, the humans are all dressed up really nice and getting these big golden things as prizes. (Do you think they are edible? Is that what the big deal is?)
I think most of those humans talk too much!
If dogs with blogs had an award ceremony, we would just get up on the podium, happily accept our snack or treat and move on.
Well, except for me...because I would probably be hosting it. Afterall, who else could captivate the camera for two and a half hours?

Sunday, January 14

Someone's been sleeping in my bed!!

The nerve of my stuffed toys! Next thing you know they'll be eating my kibble! I simply can't have this. I am calling a meeting of all my stuffed friends tomorrow. I shall refresh their memories about the rules around here.

Thursday, January 11

No snow still

It's really cold but, still no snow. The lovely grass is no longer. It's brown looking. Kind of looks like I poople everywhere and skidded by bum around spreading my poop.
I can assure you that I didn't
Speaking of my bum bum, the groomer took care of my anal glands that needed draining so I am good as new! My bum bum is daisy fresh!

Tuesday, January 9

Grooming time all around!

One thing I can say about Mama and Papa is that when I get groomed....we ALL get groomed. It's like synchronized grooming. It's only fair. Why should I be the only one who gets poked and prodded and Lord knows what else. Papa went last week, Mama went on the weekend and I am going tomorrow. (YIKES!)

Here is Mama's BEFORE shot

Here is her AFTER shot. Notice I am trying to get away from her. Well, in all fairness she is silly to pose beside a supermodel like myself. I am trying to move out of the picture so that she looks better.
Hey, it's the least I can do since she loves me so much.

Monday, January 8

I spent most of the day sleeping. Mama went back to work so I was a tad depressed. Papa works from home and don't get me wrong ...he's not chopped liver but, I just so adore my Mama.
Speaking of chopped liver I had some for dinner last night and devoured it in one full swoop.
When Mama got home from work today and went to kiss me, she said I stunk like puke. Papa realized I must of thrown up. Mama spent a long time trying to find out where I puked and she never found it.
That should teach her for going to work!
Maybe I'll leave her another present tomorrow. This could be fun.
Until then folks, I am putting on my pj's and doing what I do best.
Catch some zzzzz's.
Later peeps!

Sunday, January 7

Too busy to blog

Hey everyone. Mama's been too busy and apparently my blog has to suffer. I am not mad though because we have been having lots of fun! We've been entertaining, having fun people over and I am getting to play with kids! Woohoo. We even spent a few nights all cuddling on the couch and watching movies. As if I needed to be more relaxed than I already am. I think Mama's going back to work tomorrow though because all day today she is running around like a chicken with no head trying to get organized for tomorrow.
Speaking of chicken.....I wonder what's for dinner.

Thursday, January 4

Mama's girl

Sorry I havn't been posting. Mama's been home with me now for two weeks! Woohoo I am loving it. I think she is going back to work soon. Darn.
Mama took me to her work since we live so close and showed me off to all her coworkers. They were oohing and aahing and saying how I cute I am. They also said I am so well behaved.

No news to me. Or Mama.
Some woman came running out and was dissapointed when she saw me. She said, "'s a dog, the way you were all going on I thought it was a baby." And she turned away.
Mama corrected her quickly by saying...."It is a baby!!! MY baby."

Aw, that Mama.... You go girl!

Monday, January 1


We had a get together last night. Some of Mama's friends came over. My aunt was here with her human male companion and my doggie cousins! I had lots of fun running around with my cousins and the two human kiddies that were here! I even got a Christmas gift. Yes another one! A stocking full of toys. Mama thinks she may have to rent out a storage unit just to keep all my toys. Hmmpft! She better not even think about it.
The night was great except I threw up twice and was not allowed to have any dinner or anything to eat at all which made me upset. Then if that wasn't bad enough, one of Mama's friends brought a karoake machine and Mama took hold of the microphone for most of the night.
I should of peed in Mama's friends shoe for revenge.
I am still shuddering.
What did I do to deserve this punishment?
Then this morning I got up and ran downstairs hoping to savour some crumbs that some of the drunk people may have dropped.
Damn that Mama. She had already vacuumed and cleaned up.
Anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR....Big hugs to you all and a special kiss for my T-Man! A long distance cuddle too.